Everything You Think You Know About Hockey Is Wrong

[James_tanner123]

http://thehockeywriters.com/everythi...ckey-is-wrong/

[ultrawhiteness]

A little feedback: your content/conclusions are fine; it just takes you too long to get to them. Your introductory paragraph was nine paragraphs. A few editing passes for brevity would be valuable. This is the internet and our attention spans are like

[Instant Karma]

Yeah, I agree with UW, the introduction is rather long, and some or most of it would be better served being moved down into the conclusion.

Basically,you're discussing a controversy and assuming that the reader knows beforehand what it is that is controversial.