Just bought a house & getting married in 9 days! Any Advice?

[The Bottlenecker]

I think I should become a marriage counsellor....LOL!

[Call of Doughty]

I'm a newbie myself. Married May 2013, moved to our new home in December 2013, baby in February 2014 (yup, quick eh ) and now finishing off our basement.....

As Penguin mentioned, I think compromise on everything if possible. She gets this, you get that etc etc.... We split our wedding decisions 50/50. She decorated and chose the furniture for all the upstairs in our home, but the downstairs is my man cave. 100% my decision as to what goes in/layout etc. She may help with paint colour, but that's about it. She also got the say in landscaping and décor etc, and I didn't fight it. We don't squabble too much, although I know she would like more help with the baby past 1 am. She takes the baby on errands with her mom most days and do ALL home chores including outside. We meet in the middle and it works. Don't forget to take her to dinner from time to time, cook her a nice meal, or hit the garden centers for a nice gift.

IF you plan on having a child, things will change dramatically, but that's another story. It's still a cool feeling to be married, have a loving wife and a new baby and new home. Enjoy your wedding....don't leave too early (we were the last to leave at 2am). Enjoy the new home.
COD

[dooley89]

Good stuff, COD! Congrats on the baby and the mancave haha!

Did you get a mortgage yet?

Yes, with RBC - 3.09 fixed!

I think I should become a marriage counsellor....LOL!

I can be your first client haha

[STLblues]

I have been a home owner for 9.5 years and married for 11+. We dated for 3 years in college got married right after. Never really had a big fight. We waited to have kids so we actually got to enjoy marriage for 5 years. I would recommend this because if you have problems in your marriage before kids then please please dont have kids. I have three kids and love them all to death wouldn't trade em for anything, but they will stress the shit out of your life. My wife is a stay at home mom and I do not know how she does it. Its way easier to just go to work. Thats another good bit of advice, you both need to remember MEN and WOMEN are different!!! If you dont see eye to eye with the wife just let it go, because trust me its not her specifically, its because she a women. Also even if the in-laws are total dicks to you, tough it out and take the high road you will end up on the better side eventually.

There you go TTMI

[dooley89]

We waited to have kids so we actually got to enjoy marriage for 5 years. I would recommend this because if you have problems in your marriage before kids then please please dont have kids.

This is our plan! I want to enjoy our new marriage for at least that amount of time, I would be fine waiting 5 years!

[Call of Doughty]

Yeah, my wife's a math/physics teacher so she handles the finances side for us. I just sit there like a doofus asking where to sign. She's wickedly smart on that side of things, and I ask her to put us in a safe spot financially. She took a young KIA salesman to task in December when he tried to blow some smoke over her eyes in the showroom, thinking she didn't have a clue what he was saying. She put him in his spot with the numbers etc etc. Again, I just sat there.......lol.

Yes, wait to have children. 3 weeks past wedding, we were expecting. Get out there and travel and do husband/wife kind of things. When baby arrives, you drop to #2 on the list very fast. Ok ciao!

[Shoeless]

Never borrow another dime; pay off your credit cards every month; save 10% of your net income every month and think hard before using your savings to buy something; as a couple do a little charity work every week; take a vacation together once a year and never take separate vacations - a fishing trip with the boys or a shopping day in TO with the girls aren't considered vacations; each of you should commit to learning something new once a year - anything, like bread making or yoga, but make the commitment and follow through; you, the man, should take at least the basic course in Perceptual Control Theory - getting your needs met in the relationship is your job, not hers - and vise versa - she will have a husband her girlfriends will wish theirs was like; own your house, don't let it own you. Live each day as if it is the last one you will have together - pretend you are playiing game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final - leave it all on the ice, no regrets. You will have a heavenly marriage, and a family, people will want to write books about.

And as Bruno Mars sang: ""She is beautiful just the way she is." The moment you try and get her to change, is the moment you tell her she isn't beautiful just the way she is.

[STLblues]

I'm sorry btw I forgot the best part! CONGRATS! Married adult life + kids + home is absolutely awesome. I feel sad for those who lived their glory days in high school or college.

[newfcollins]

I did a similar move in '07 on July 7th.

That was my wedding date. We were married on 7-7-7, and my wife's sister got married the next year on 8-8-8.

Anyways, a couple of tips on home ownership.

One thing we did was an accelerated mortgage. We paid off the house faster than what the plan was for, and we would save up money and pay a chunk every year as well. It works well for two reasons: If you need to borrow money later on, you can borrow the money back from your mortgage, which would be cheaper than a bank loan, and two, if you don't need to borrow money, you will own your house faster and pay less interest in the long run. When my wife was pregnant with twins, my work contract was up about a month before they were born. So we decided that she would take a year of mat leave, and I wouldn't look for a job for a while. So we were both stay-at-homes at the same time. That extra money came in handy in that first year.

Also, if you have a townhome, try to be a good neighbour, and don't let bad neighbours get to you. Our townhome was next to a single lady, and we ended up having some issues with her. So much so, we wouldn't even say hello to each other. Pretty much, anything that needs to be done with your house, give them a heads up. If you're getting eavestroughs, see if they want to go in on it. Or if you get a fence, see if they want to split and go in on that as well. etc. Even if they say no, just going to them ahead of time is a great idea. If you plunk these things up without checking and you run afoul of a bylaw, there could be issues.

[ross10019]

This is our plan! I want to enjoy our new marriage for at least that amount of time, I would be fine waiting 5 years!

This is the greatest advice. That time in a marriage before kids is absolutely crucial, and wonderful, it's a part of your married life that you will always cherish, and it will make the part of oyur married life with kids that much more special because you can focus more on them (given the time they inevitable take away from you as a couple). You'll definitely be better parents for it.

Plus it's always great to needle the kids about how great things were when they weren't around, eating up all your spare time and money, they get such a kick out of that!

[Rylant]

As far as the marriage thing goes, this is my advice.

It's ok to disagree. You aren't going to agree on everything. If she doesn't agree with you and it isn't a deal breaker, don't worry about it.

The saying "don't go to bed angry", isn't necessarily good advice. Don't force an argument. Sometimes, people need to sleep on it to calm down. Talk about it rationally the next day if it's important enough.

Remember your friends, and allow her to remember hers.

Rylant

[Big Ev]

Good stuff, COD! Congrats on the baby and the mancave haha!


Yes, with RBC - 3.09 fixed!


I can be your first client haha

hope you put the 20% down!

- - - Updated - - -

Wow, didn't realize so many people on here were married.

No wonder there are so many cranky posts.

I'm married to the red, black, and gold

[Loch]

Wow, didn't realize so many people on here were married.

No wonder there are so many cranky posts.

Kinda makes sense really... and it rather explains the general preference for 'keeper pools' now that I think of it.

[forumname]

I think shoeless has the winner with don't borrow another dime. Live within your means, pay off your credit cards in full every month, and don't worry about all that keeping up with the joneses garbage. Live a cheaper lifestyle than your friends and you will have more money, more time together, and one less thing to worry and fight about.

[Big Ev]

Except he is borrowing a mortgage