The new parent advice thread!

[senryu]

Congrats and the only advice I have is to treasure each moment, especially the struggles. When you're in the mid-night wakeups and vomit and all that, stop, take it in, remember it and tell yourself that this is wonderful. Because it won't be long when that phase passes, kids will grow, and years later you would give anything to hold your one-month-old nugget again.

[horrorfan]

Hope Dooley and the rest of you guys that were talking about this back in 2017 are all still doing well.

Figured I would revive this season as I've read through it at least five time over the last couple months. Yup, EB is going to be a dad. It's going to be a girl, and she's due the last week of July, so I managed the offseason planning pretty well

If people have anything they want to add, reinforce, or update from a few years ago in this thread, I'm all ears. Wife has been all over the shopping and items lists, so we're pretty set there. Most of the decisions have at least been over and discussed if not written in pen too. I am a rookie when it comes to this though, so there's no such thing as too much information.

Congrats!

I don't have kids so that's all I have to say.

[chuckcouples]

Congratulations EB. You are in for a treat. It's the most rewarding thing you will ever do in life.

I completely missed this thread last time so I thought I would chip in my thoughts this time.

1) Learn to baby wear. Both you and your wife should have a wrap or a baby carrier or both. They are live changing. My wife had a Manduka baby carrier (and a few different wraps but she mostly used the Manduka) and I have a Chimparoo wrap. Our kids all spent (and our youngest continues to spend) so, so many hours in these things. Whenever one of our kids couldn't go to sleep, it was wrap time for me. I would put them in the wrap and walk around the house (do lots of stairs if possible, they love that and it puts them to sleep quicker) until they fell asleep. Once they fell asleep, it was stand in front of the TV time to either watch TV of play video games. This was my time but it was also time that my wife could rest. Babies can be put into wraps at a very young age so don't wait on this.

2) Listen to what others have to say but be prepared to ignore it. People love giving advice, people also have terrible memories and only remember the good parts so they tend to think whatever they did worked perfectly. Trust your self to do what is right for your own children.

3) This is not advice but just what we did. We did not do a sleep schedule of any sort. We did have a bit of a routine on some days but not all the time. We also rocked our baby to sleep, carried our babies to sleep, let them sleep whenever/wherever they wanted to (car rides, walks, etc) and we let our babies sleep in our bed until they wanted to sleep on their own. We are happy how these choices played out and think we have well-adjusted 8 and 6 year olds and our 1 year old is happy as well.

4) READ...read to your kid as much as possible.

[Eskimo Brother]

Some good additional points on wraps, both by Chuck and Dennis haha.
Appreciating all of the input!

[Pengwin7]

people also have terrible memories and only remember the good parts so they tend to think whatever they did worked perfectly.

^Truth.

I'll give you a story about my 11-year old.
We took her into the local kid's hospital ER last night (long-story short, she has severe anxiety that has led to suicidal idealization, can't remember the words... but it's bad now...)
I love my oldest daughter more than anything in the whole world... but she's messed up... and I have good idea why.

My wife & I went through 4 miscarriages prior to having her.
After a year+, we almost started IVF, but somehow got lucky.
When our daughter came we were SO overjoyed/relieved to have her.
(Like... parents will ALL tell you that they love their kids, are happy... but if you go through miscarriages and doubt... it's an intensified sort of appreciation)

Then... we spent TOO MUCH TIME with our daughter.
Just in her face every minute. I didn't think about it then. Just over parenting, over presence, always there, solving her cries, every problem.
We gave in to everything she wanted. Every discussion she wanted.
She learned her alphabet by 20 months, was reading by 2.5 years, gifted programs, this and that.

What she got from all that was this: She learned what the IDEAL situation was. And she EXPECTED it.
And everything else... was disappointment for her.
To this day, if a friend doesn't pick up their device on her first ring to her... she thinks their friendship is over.
If her mom doesn't respond within 3seconds of a question... she thinks something is up and my wife is lying or preparing a lie.
It's really... really bad. (Not like "Oh... my kid has something like that"... like bad).


So... let your kid hang out sometimes on their own.
Be busy with your own things. That's cool. Let them wait... sometimes.
Let them cry through things on their own.
Don't rush to solve every one of their cries.

Some of the more "hands-off" parents we know...
ended up with more chill kids than ours.
And now... we wish we had the same... and have to seriously consider medication, therapy, and all sorts of things to handle this.
It's awful.

Sorry... don't mean to be a buzz kill...
But NOBODY ever suggested we should let her tough-out more situations.

There IS such a thing as too much parenting.
We were too into giving her every.second.we.had... and it's hurting us now.

(Hopefully you didn't have miscarriages... I think it really messed up our brains... and allowing us to be more "chill" ourselves. Ooof.)

[chuckcouples]

This is for Pengwin7.

Don't blame yourself. It's not likely that your parenting techniques caused this.

There is no such thing as giving someone too much love.

[Axeman33]

This is for Pengwin7.

Don't blame yourself. It's not likely that your parenting techniques caused this.

There is no such thing as giving someone too much love.

He said too much time and too much parenting, not too much love.

[Invictus]

Too much cow bell

[Eskimo Brother]

Thank you for sharing Peng, that can't be easy. It's not on you though, and really the parenting style is only a part of the nurture pie which is only half of the story.

It does highlight something that really isn't touched on much, and that's how to handle how much attention to pay to a baby/child. I don't think there is a right answer, but it is something that I'll be conscious of moving forward. As someone mentioned though, 95% of what is in this thread probably just gets thrown out the window and you go on instinct.

[Belexus75]

tons of good advice here and you definitely should read them all...however i have bit different angle on this..


dont plan anything, take it day by day and enjoy it..they grow so fast...

[chuckcouples]

dont plan anything, take it day by day and enjoy it..they grow so fast...

This is good advice. A great line that my wife and I heard and love to repeat...

The nights are long but the years are short.

[Bobby4Ever]

well congratulations to you and your wife EB! Seeing and enjoying the thrills and wonder of life again through your child's eyes brings back so many of your own childhood memories. Learning to ride a bike, taking to the ice without a hand held, petting a zoo animal, everything is new and exciting all over again. I have 2 girls and involved them in as much activities as our schedules allowed from dancing and baseball to ice skating and soccer! I loved seeing the fun had and the confidence instilled. My advice is live in the moment. Sometimes a moment that seems insignificant years later is a cherished memory. Best of luck in this special journey that goes on forever but the wonder years are short and quick.

[fantasyhockeygeek]

Congrats, man.

I have four bits to share (father of 2 boys):

Your kid is your kid, and they are who they are. Some of that you can influence, some of that you can't. Get to know them, as a person.

The other thing I'd say is you, your partner, and your child need to find the way that is best for everyone. Sometimes that'll mean you get forgotten. Sometimes it means the kid has to deal with frustration and inconvenience. Sometimes it'll mean that your partner gets the short end of the stick.

Solve for max satisfaction for the group; each of your needs can be met. Everyone will have to give a little. Not getting into that habit early can lead to resentment by some/all of the folks involved.

Different people parent differently, and that includes you and your partner. You can have the other person do it, or you can have it done your way. You cannot have both... they are, by definition mutually exclusive. Learn this early, learn this often!

Last thing is to treat your kid as a human, not a kid. Assume they know what you mean; they'll ask questions if they don't. Never talk down "like they're kids". Be empathetic and respectful, and draw boundaries, like you would to any other human. This is how you connect with humans, and the same applies to your progeny.

Love the shit out of them.

(and forgive yourself early and often for the barrage of hilarious mistakes you're going to make. You might find yourself depressed as a parent. You might find you're amazing at it. Accept accept accept. There is no wrong)

[Invictus]

If he grows up to be a Leaf fan... it's okay. The world requires those fans and he made the noble choice to carry those burdens.

I don't have kids can't offer any real advice.

[hockeyrobot]

Some fantastic advice going on here. I didn't even realize EB revived this and he knows this already but I'll also be joining the club this summer.

We absolutely cannot wait and I'll be glued to this thread going forward. I do love a lot of the sentiment of read a lot but be prepared for anything and everything.

Thanks to everyone for sharing.