I’m screwed

[Magicstew]

Listen to Axe's advice , talk to someone. Listen to lucafen4 - have a heart to heart with your employer.
Your job should have counselling as part of your benefits - call them, access it.
Follow this thread as there are a lot of tremendous people on here - it is good to write down your thought.
By posting on here, we know there is goodness and positivity in you. Time to move forward one little step at a time.
Sending #goodkarma your way.

[DangerCat]

So my fiancée did end up leaving I was doing better but it hit me tonight and I went back to beer because it hurt so much. I know this crap ruined my life I t he first place but it numbs it it really does. There’s hope for the fiancee if my life changes but I’m already I. Despair how the hell do I pull out of this I know the answer is stop drinking but if that was sufficient I would’ve done that 10 years ago…man I’m 31 and I’m totally broken. Lost the best job of my life and worse my fiancée. My whole life people left me I was never good enough and I’ve tried to make it up my entire adult life and yeah it’s hard for me to get fired because I work hard and long. But when you’re a service tech and lose your license they cant do anything. I literally was awarded tech of the quarter for all
Of Canada and my boss said I was his best tech and always will be but it cut him up to have to let me go. Yet I keep doing this to myself I shoot myself in the foot. Ugh can anyone relate or am I just an idiot. I’m sorry boys.

[finnys_fanatsy]

Hey man. I can’t relate so I cannot tell you how to deal with it all but you’re not an idiot. You are doing something right by talking it out at least. Big step. You can’t bottle this up or it’ll eat you alive.

Your next step is to get help with the drinking. That will only lead to worse things if you don’t get the help you need to kick that. I don’t know you, but you obviously have some capacity in you to see you’re not helping yourself with the drinking.


Keep us up to date if for nothing else than to get your feelings out on paper.

[ross10019]

Hey man. I can’t relate so I cannot tell you how to deal with it all but you’re not an idiot. You are doing something right by talking it out at least. Big step. You can’t bottle this up or it’ll eat you alive.

Your next step is to get help with the drinking. That will only lead to worse things if you don’t get the help you need to kick that. I don’t know you, but you obviously have some capacity in you to see you’re not helping yourself with the drinking.


Keep us up to date if for nothing else than to get your feelings out on paper.

Agreed and what’s more, far from being an idiot, you are highly valued. You were awarded tech of the quarter for all
of Canada and your boss said you were his best tech. You have all that going for you, and can look to that for inner strength. It presents opportunity to land another productive job and feel better about yourself.

But first things first, check yourself into AA immediately and get a sponsor who can help you get through this. I’m no expert but it seems that’s a good plan for a first step.

We are all pulling for you bud. Life sucks huge sometimes and it sounds like you endured suffering in your life that is still with you, and it’s so unfair, but you have an opportunity to make a good next decision here that will make a positive difference.

[dejeanneret]

I'm very sorry to read where this has gone, DC. As I've mentioned to you, I can relate. It's great that you're communicating about it. It's even more helpful to get a consistent support system in place who you can call when you're feeling particularly uneasy. No matter where you are, there are resources in your area and I strongly encourage you to look into them. I'm happy to be one as well from outside the area. If you need someone to speak with, PM me ... I'll gladly send you my number.

[Belexus75]

I dont think you are an idiot at all...life happens, sometimes good, often bad. But what i do see here, is that you are looking for easy way out (beer) which is only digging deeper hole...

...u need to snap out of it and as it was suggested while back go talk to professional, yes you cant do your job, but im sure there is job you can do so find one. Life is not over unless you decide it is...there is plenty of avenues to explore but you need the will...you need to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

take the adviace Axe gave you and go find help now....its first step, rest will fall in place...

[StuntMan12]

The 'speed bump' is best way to describe this situation in my opinion. I always tell people 'circumstances always can change'. You may have lost your job but at the same time you have a solid base. Remember, you haven't forgotten how to work. Buddy told me that in the past and that put a lot of anxiety away for me as I always get worried that I will lose my job and be scrambling for money. There will always be other opportunities that await you.

If you have a problem with your drinking then it's best to seek a counsellor/or anyone who can help you identify why that problem is there. If you continue to leave it be, then down the road that problem will just continue to effect your life. Don't feel down though. It's one screw up. We have all screwed up one way or the other. Continue to build yourself up and grow from this experience. Remember to always look at yourself and talk to yourself as if you are your own best friend. Wishing you all the best. There are lots of good guys on here that will help, it always shows.

[Fighting_Emu]

There’s a song called trigger finger …by until the end. He tells us to put the barrel down our throats and pull the trigger choke. I sent another song to the pastor who refused to believe I had changed. If anyone on here understands addiction that is one of the most crippling things in the world when someone you thought you loved tells you they were suspicious the whole time like “I told you so” even though I was doing so good. Oh I hate that man he’s my “pastor” I sent him a song it’s called emmure 4 poisons 3 words. It’s harsh. “ Now I'm walking away
I don't need this
I don't need you
I have no interest to please or appease you
I'm done wasting my ****ing life
On cowards wasting my ****ing time
And if I'm alone in this fight
Then I'm walking away tonight
Get ****ed
I'm standing on my own two feet
I don't need you
I don't need this
I'm ready to die for my beliefs
Not ready to die for your beliefs
Are you with me in this fight?”

This is what happens when you’re a judgemental ******* you hurt people. I’m done with this *******.

I was looking for a bad fantasy take to comment on amd I found this- im not gonna say anything inflammatory here.

I had a similar situation the first few times I quit. Now that I've actually got some sobriety under my belt I still have people.in my support group who doubt me aaand I have issues with that (whod a thunk it?). What helps for me is to look at them lovingly and with empathy. I mean if they care about you then it probably hurt them as much as me the last time I let them down- it would feel like bettayal. I mean I sort of earned this- a big part of sobriety is coming to terms with the fact that I did this- all the missteps along the way- the booze and drugs helped but it was me at the controls. If im being genuine and accepting my role then I also have to bite the bullet here and realize my old actions affected others as well. Trust is a complicated endeavor and if the people in my support group are willing to give me another chance than I can forgive when they don't trust me along the way. I did damage. Of course they'd be reticent...

I can't speak to your pastor or your relationship- it sounds... complicated. I just wanted to take a left turn here when I saw this. I think most of the other posters are right about seeing someone but ill throw aa and na out there too- it helped me to see people going through a similar issue.

Thats it- take it for what its worth- not admonishing you in any way- I think many of us have been there and just hoping you hear what you need to hear to start finding peace...