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Thread: Child Anxiety..

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by RizzeeDizzee View Post
    As a parent of one child who's had crohn's disease since age 10 and another who's on the asperger side of the spectrum, I feel your pain and fear. The hardest part is wanting to help but either not being able to or finding that help sometimes seemingly makes it worse. Do you best to provide a stable and loving home environment, and seek out medical advice. Also, I'd caution you to avoid doing too much googling, since most everyone who posts on google has a sad story to tell. What you're not hearing is the success stories, since those often go untold.
    In our house, every attempt is a success. Trying is winning. Sometimes we succeed, other times it's a step in the direction we want to go.

    There have been some very trying times indeed, but she's always been a success story.

    She keeps trying, it might take hours and hours sometimes, but she always tries again.

    Sometimes helping is just having the patience to wait.
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  2. #17
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    Default Re: Child Anxiety..

    Wow just got told my daughter who is almost 3 is a highly sensitive child and the daycare lady gave me a book to read. As with your children she's very bright for her age but likes to have things a certain way. Really couldn't of come at a better time this post.
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    Quote Originally Posted by eyemissgilmour View Post
    I did google that question.
    Many reputable sites obviously need to update their information.
    I think a really big part of the misunderstanding and misattributation of anxiety as a mental health disorder is the fact that anxiety is often a symptom of other mental health issues. I have OCD, which is a mental health disorder which often manifests as anxiety. The simplification of language doesn't help either, seeing as a lot of people (even experts) often misspeak and falsely attribute symptoms of lots of illnesses as the illnesses themselves.

    Also, this is mostly a placeholder post so I remember to come back later to discuss my own challenging 4-year old.
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    Quote Originally Posted by eyemissgilmour View Post
    Well, I think someone should at least update Wikipedia... that's a good place to start.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder

    The very first sentence... "Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by significant feelings of anxiety and fear. "
    mental disorder is not necessarily a mental illness though.
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    I admire you for having the courage to let this out, will pray and hope that you'll get past through this. stay patient and strong

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    So, I've been trying to figure out how to put this, so apologies that it took me like two weeks to come back to this thread.

    My stepdaughter is turning four in a couple weeks, and the last six months have been incredibly difficult from a parenting perspective. The worst of it is that sometimes I worry that part of my difficulty comes from the fact that I am her step-dad, so I find myself worrying that I'm being too harsh, or not caring enough for her out of some unconscious lack of connection between us. To be clear, on a conscious level, I absolutely love her, and I really don't believe that I feel any differently for her than I do my younger (biological) daughter. There's just always that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that worries me, if that makes any sense to anyone but me. Add to all of that the fact that she has HGH (human growth hormone) deficiency, so she's got all sorts of issues around eating, weight gain, growth, and sleep from that. The disorder itself is nothing to worry about, since they can correct it with hormone therapy, unfortunately though they can't start it until she's a bit older. So for now, the symptoms can sometimes flare up, and our regular toddler becomes a perpetually tired, hungry toddler (which any parent can assure you is a real treat) who can't fall asleep even if she wants to, and has no appetite.

    Since just after her 3rd birthday (while my wife was pregnant with our youngest) her symptoms have gotten worse, which means that her tantrums and general moodiness have also gotten worse. When our Little One was born, things had gotten to the point that my wife and I decided that it was in our family's best interest for me to sell my business and stay home for a while so that we could try to help the Big One get through the hard days without my wife losing her sanity. We're doing all the things our psychologist suggest, and a lot of what has been talked about here. We do our best to keep things structured (not the hardest for me, what with living with OCD my whole life). Things have seemed to stabilize, which is good. I consider that a win. Our trouble always comes from trying to find that line of what's appropriate structure and discipline, and whether we might be stifling her and making it worse, or sometimes going the other way and overindulging and being too lenient. It's tough, because there is a legitimate underlying medical condition, so I've generally had the assumption that what she experiences is kind of the extreme. It's comforting to know that other kids are in the same boat. I honestly worried that her experience would be so different from other kids that she'd end up having trouble making friends or something. I mean, I should have known, being that I was a bit of a weird kid growing up, and I just found the other weird kids to be friends with.

    I don't know if that made sense, might end up editing it a bit for clarity since I sort of rambled a little there. Anyhow, I definitely always appreciate advice, but I think there's just a certain catharsis to being able to talk about my experience to people who can relate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ingolo View Post
    So, I've been trying to figure out how to put this, so apologies that it took me like two weeks to come back to this thread.

    My stepdaughter is turning four in a couple weeks, and the last six months have been incredibly difficult from a parenting perspective. The worst of it is that sometimes I worry that part of my difficulty comes from the fact that I am her step-dad, so I find myself worrying that I'm being too harsh, or not caring enough for her out of some unconscious lack of connection between us. To be clear, on a conscious level, I absolutely love her, and I really don't believe that I feel any differently for her than I do my younger (biological) daughter. There's just always that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that worries me, if that makes any sense to anyone but me. Add to all of that the fact that she has HGH (human growth hormone) deficiency, so she's got all sorts of issues around eating, weight gain, growth, and sleep from that. The disorder itself is nothing to worry about, since they can correct it with hormone therapy, unfortunately though they can't start it until she's a bit older. So for now, the symptoms can sometimes flare up, and our regular toddler becomes a perpetually tired, hungry toddler (which any parent can assure you is a real treat) who can't fall asleep even if she wants to, and has no appetite.

    Since just after her 3rd birthday (while my wife was pregnant with our youngest) her symptoms have gotten worse, which means that her tantrums and general moodiness have also gotten worse. When our Little One was born, things had gotten to the point that my wife and I decided that it was in our family's best interest for me to sell my business and stay home for a while so that we could try to help the Big One get through the hard days without my wife losing her sanity. We're doing all the things our psychologist suggest, and a lot of what has been talked about here. We do our best to keep things structured (not the hardest for me, what with living with OCD my whole life). Things have seemed to stabilize, which is good. I consider that a win. Our trouble always comes from trying to find that line of what's appropriate structure and discipline, and whether we might be stifling her and making it worse, or sometimes going the other way and overindulging and being too lenient. It's tough, because there is a legitimate underlying medical condition, so I've generally had the assumption that what she experiences is kind of the extreme. It's comforting to know that other kids are in the same boat. I honestly worried that her experience would be so different from other kids that she'd end up having trouble making friends or something. I mean, I should have known, being that I was a bit of a weird kid growing up, and I just found the other weird kids to be friends with.

    I don't know if that made sense, might end up editing it a bit for clarity since I sort of rambled a little there. Anyhow, I definitely always appreciate advice, but I think there's just a certain catharsis to being able to talk about my experience to people who can relate.
    I can totally relate to all those feelings. I've been telling my wife this for the past year, since we really had to step up our game and begin to address our daughters anxiety head on, that there's one bonus of identifying it at a young age - kids have short memories - as far as making friends, the social aspect it might impact this year or next while you're going through these things but once things get settled in her classmates will be like goldfish in a fishbowl, there'll be easy acceptance. I can't speak to anything later in life as I only have one child, 7 years old. But I can entirely imaging the long lasting affects of carrying her in without shoes on to class in the morning and having her classmates digest that at 12 (I wouldn't carry a 12 year old into school - but you get the point).

    My wife and I have really leaned on each other the past year, it's really made a difference. If one gets stressed, the other tags them out and parents while the other removes themselves and tries to relax. She has anxiety, last thing she needs is us bearing down on her when its already heightened. There's really no questions asked, very little bitterness when one gets the tap on the shoulder and the hook. It helps the overall situation a lot as well.

    Reward charts really helped our child get through morning tasks for school - as well as some of the peripheral anxiety feelings. They also really help with structure, we had 5 different reward charts on the fridge at one point, talking to adults, different kids at school, putting on her socks, an 'all-dressed for school' chart, and a reading chart. If she did something that fell on different charts, she got points on all three. She could trade them in for treats/small toy, etc. we really didn't care.


    Creating & keeping a strong foundation for your kids to fall back on when they need to is really all you can do as a parent, they'll find their way. It sounds like you're addressing the major issues as best you can and it's treading water in the interim. I can see that really being rough/tough, being in a holding pattern. But as you can see from others that posted in this thread, you definitely aren't on an island.
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    Update: About three weeks ago we sat down with the pediatrician and were prescribed ****** for our daughter. It's used more for anxiety and OCD nowadays than depression. The results are a lot more positive.

    Reaching that decision was one of the toughest my wife and I had to make. It is really difficult as a parent to swallow your pride, know you need help and then enter into a stigma filled world of medicating your child. But we had done everything else, psychologist, therapy, counsellors, occupational therapy. It became clear we would never fully be able to help her dig out without trying this. I think in this instance, for me at least, I found it easier to do knowing that she just needed the sharp edges shaved off, rounded a bit so she could relax within herself and let her be herself in the outside world.

    Last night she had a birthday party, inviting over 7 friends. It's only the 3rd birthday party we've ever had for her. The pediatrician said it would take 3weeks before we, as parents started to see results. I swear we started to see minor results on day 2. Last night was an ultimate test, her last two parties with friends, there were a minimum of two episodes of her running away and hiding for long periods due to the spotlight being on her.

    So, how did last night go? It was the first time in her seven years she blew the candles out on her own cake. The first time she opened presents with people - that were not her parents watching her. The first time Happy Birthday song did not send her screaming and crying into another room. The first time she thanked everyone individually for the present she was given. The first time she thanked each friend at the door for coming and again thanked for the present. The first time she wore a costume in front of others and kept it on (costume party of course) The first time in seven years, the centre of attention was on her, in an over-stimulating social setting that there was no fallout afterwards.

    Needless to say, it was a smashing success. We up her dose in another week, we're not really sure what that impact is going to have on her?! As a father, it's horrific watching your child struggle to do the simplest of tasks... Now that I see successes and those simple things slowly become simple... man... it can choke you up. We have two pictures from the party. We just soaked last night in with everything we had. We've noticed hundreds, thousands of tiny changes that all add up, last night was a bar setting test to see how she would cope. I'm in awe.. finally the veil is being lifted and the world is getting a glimpse of the ultimate joy of my life and how amazing she truly is.

    We're not fooling ourselves either, we know this isn't over, not by a long shot. We'll continue with the psychologist, but now, those walls are down enough that the cognitive therapy will actually begin to sink in, she's open to it and will actively listen, maybe even participate.

    But last night was a true benchmark success. Things are moving in the right direction.
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  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucafen4 View Post
    Update: About three weeks ago we sat down with the pediatrician and were prescribed ****** for our daughter. It's used more for anxiety and OCD nowadays than depression. The results are a lot more positive.

    Reaching that decision was one of the toughest my wife and I had to make. It is really difficult as a parent to swallow your pride, know you need help and then enter into a stigma filled world of medicating your child. But we had done everything else, psychologist, therapy, counsellors, occupational therapy. It became clear we would never fully be able to help her dig out without trying this. I think in this instance, for me at least, I found it easier to do knowing that she just needed the sharp edges shaved off, rounded a bit so she could relax within herself and let her be herself in the outside world.

    Last night she had a birthday party, inviting over 7 friends. It's only the 3rd birthday party we've ever had for her. The pediatrician said it would take 3weeks before we, as parents started to see results. I swear we started to see minor results on day 2. Last night was an ultimate test, her last two parties with friends, there were a minimum of two episodes of her running away and hiding for long periods due to the spotlight being on her.

    So, how did last night go? It was the first time in her seven years she blew the candles out on her own cake. The first time she opened presents with people - that were not her parents watching her. The first time Happy Birthday song did not send her screaming and crying into another room. The first time she thanked everyone individually for the present she was given. The first time she thanked each friend at the door for coming and again thanked for the present. The first time she wore a costume in front of others and kept it on (costume party of course) The first time in seven years, the centre of attention was on her, in an over-stimulating social setting that there was no fallout afterwards.

    Needless to say, it was a smashing success. We up her dose in another week, we're not really sure what that impact is going to have on her?! As a father, it's horrific watching your child struggle to do the simplest of tasks... Now that I see successes and those simple things slowly become simple... man... it can choke you up. We have two pictures from the party. We just soaked last night in with everything we had. We've noticed hundreds, thousands of tiny changes that all add up, last night was a bar setting test to see how she would cope. I'm in awe.. finally the veil is being lifted and the world is getting a glimpse of the ultimate joy of my life and how amazing she truly is.

    We're not fooling ourselves either, we know this isn't over, not by a long shot. We'll continue with the psychologist, but now, those walls are down enough that the cognitive therapy will actually begin to sink in, she's open to it and will actively listen, maybe even participate.

    But last night was a true benchmark success. Things are moving in the right direction.
    This is great news to hear. Your level of caring comes through the screen - it's palpable. It's also especially touching in that you're a step parent. Here's to continued success.
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    Quote Originally Posted by RizzeeDizzee View Post
    This is great news to hear. Your level of caring comes through the screen - it's palpable. It's also especially touching in that you're a step parent. Here's to continued success.
    Appreciate that, thanks

    just to clarify though, Ingolo is the step-parent.
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucafen4 View Post
    Appreciate that, thanks

    just to clarify though, Ingolo is the step-parent.
    Ah - I misinterpreted. Doesn't change my view though. You're a rock star - keep it up dad.
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  12. #27
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    Wow Lucafen4 - well done and to you as well Ingolo.

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    Default Re: Child Anxiety..

    I used to be in the no medication is always better side, but after living through both sides of it with 2 step sons, all I can say is that they were much better with the medication than they were off it. Both are now in their early 20's and no longer taking the medication as they have learned to compensate themselves. It was a very tough decision to take and not one taken lightly.

    Very glad to hear that the early results are promising!
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