Coping with putting down a pet

[Run!]

Yeah, I read that. Thanks for sharing your experience.

It's hard. Even though you know it's for the better, it's a terrible feeling to see hollow eyes and to walk out that door, knowing they are laying there on the table alone and cold.
I really wish there was a better way. I guess going into it I was naive - I didn't know how the minutes after would unfold. But for some reason I just thought the post-death moments would be... better?
In hindsight, I almost wish there was a way I could have avoided that. I know deep down I don't, as I needed to say goodbye for a minute after she went. But seeing her lay on that table motionless and with no life in her eyes is really haunting and upsetting.

Sorry about your pet. Everyone and everything dies. Best get used to that.

[StuntMan12]

Well, I had to put down my beloved cat (10 years of age) yesterday. She suddenly started having seizures and was diagnosed with a metastasized brain tumor that had started to spread to her lungs.

I have to say, I knew the process would be incredibly hard, but I underestimated how terrible it would be. I took it harder than when my grandfather passed away (though, granted, I was only 16 or so then). I was a wreck in the days leading up to it, and obviously a mess when it happened and afterward.

The day after, I am now feeling incredibly conflicted, and I'm wondering if any of you have also gone through this.

Mainly, I feel:
- Immense Guilt. Even though I know it was the right decision, I can't emphasize enough how horrible it feels to be actually making that decision. Choosing when another person's/animal's life ends is a horrible, horrible feeling, and I feel nauseous thinking about it. I know this is normal, and I know I shouldn't feel guilt because it was to save our cat from suffering, but I can't help it. There's always the questions floating in my head: what if she wasn't ready? What if she was still OK to carry on for a while longer? What if this wasn't what she wanted? What if we waited?
- Disappointment. Very similar to guilt, I feel like I "let her down". She gave us her unconditional love for years and was the best cat I could have ever asked for - and it feels like letting her die was letting her down. Similarly, I can't even begin to explain how horrible it was to see her laying on the table after the euthanization and her eyes empty - just nothing there. And to then leave her in the room after saying my goodbye makes me go teary-eyed. Again, just this immense feeling of letting her down.

Anyhow. Needed to get that off my chest. And maybe some of you went through this experience and might want to reflect on it.

Life can be pretty hard some times.

On the 24th I had to put my dog down. He was 15 years old. His birthday was in a couple months. This was probably the hardest decision of my life. He kept falling down and tilting his head to one side. The vet said he believed he had a brain tumour which was screwing up his balance and will only get worse with time. Said it didn't look like an ear infection either. He had about 3 previous episodes where he would keep falling down and had a hard time getting up, I would pick him up and he would be fine after a couple minutes but this day he was in this state all day so I figured there I had no other choice. I felt very guilty afterwards. Guilty that I made this decision and guilty that I couldn't stay when they gave him the lethal dose that put him to sleep. I stayed to the point where he was sedated and was petting him the whole time but I didn't have it in me to watch him die. And as OP said, What if we waited? What if we got more tests done and it was something else? The only treatment available for a brain tumour was surgery in Vancouver, $5000-$6000 which I could not afford, and no way they would do it over the holidays anyhow. I'm still having a hard time trying to cope with this loss. He was my best friend, always by my side. Every time I get home now I look to the couch he would always be sitting on waiting for me. I know it was the right decision to do but I still feel very bad that it had to be done. Man I'm going to miss him. I know he lived a full life so I'm trying to not feel too bad.

All the same feelings jcairns expressed, I felt as well. I want to own another pet down the line but not for awhile I think. I had this dog since I was 14.

[als_revenge]

On the 24th I had to put my dog down. He was 15 years old. His birthday was in a couple months. This was probably the hardest decision of my life. He kept falling down and tilting his head to one side. The vet said he believed he had a brain tumour which was screwing up his balance and will only get worse with time. Said it didn't look like an ear infection either. He had about 3 previous episodes where he would keep falling down and had a hard time getting up, I would pick him up and he would be fine after a couple minutes but this day he was in this state all day so I figured there I had no other choice. I felt very guilty afterwards. Guilty that I made this decision and guilty that I couldn't stay when they gave him the lethal dose that put him to sleep. I stayed to the point where he was sedated and was petting him the whole time but I didn't have it in me to watch him die. And as OP said, What if we waited? What if we got more tests done and it was something else? The only treatment available for a brain tumour was surgery in Vancouver, $5000-$6000 which I could not afford, and no way they would do it over the holidays anyhow. I'm still having a hard time trying to cope with this loss. He was my best friend, always by my side. Every time I get home now I look to the couch he would always be sitting on waiting for me. I know it was the right decision to do but I still feel very bad that it had to be done. Man I'm going to miss him. I know he lived a full life so I'm trying to not feel too bad.

All the same feelings jcairns expressed, I felt as well. I want to own another pet down the line but not for awhile I think. I had this dog since I was 14.

From what you write, I doubt surgery was even an option; I don't think many/any vet would do that kind of surgery on a dog that old. Also, from what you wrote, you made the hard (but compassionate and correct decision). At the end of the day, you choose what was in the best interest of your friend. Sorry it had to have happened over the holidays. I'm not sure if it's an option for you, but if there is any way you can spend some time in the company of animals, any animals, I'd recommend it. I'd also recommend you keep up with your long walks, and exercise in general. Here's wishing you a much better start to 2019...Hang in there, man.

[StuntMan12]

From what you write, I doubt surgery was even an option; I don't think many/any vet would do that kind of surgery on a dog that old. Also, from what you wrote, you made the hard (but compassionate and correct decision). At the end of the day, you choose what was in the best interest of your friend. Sorry it had to have happened over the holidays. I'm not sure if it's an option for you, but if there is any way you can spend some time in the company of animals, any animals, I'd recommend it. I'd also recommend you keep up with your long walks, and exercise in general. Here's wishing you a much better start to 2019...Hang in there, man.

Thank you for your kind words. I do think it was the correct decision though. He was having a hard time getting up and down the stairs when I would let him out to go pee and he would sleep pretty well all day. I really love being around dogs. I will continue with exercise yes, although I did back out of going to the World Juniors this year because I was too upset and stressed out to make the long trip to Vancouver. I'll do my best to enjoy the tournament from home though.

I have so many stories I could tell about Ralf. I remember watching a fight on TV, his eyes were glued to the action, then every time I raised my voice and was yelling he started barking and staring at the screen haha. As soon as we said the word "walk" to him, his ears would perk right up and he would walk towards the door. If you said "mailman" he got mad and started barking and looking out the window. If you said the word "treat" he expected you to give him one lol. Once I came back from McDonalds, put my food on the coffee table, went to the washroom then when I got back he ate my burger lmao. I remember I was mad at first then I'm like "ah he didn't know any better I guess" lol. He was a good comfort for me during the fires of 2017.

[Daydream Nation]

Sorry for your loss Stuntman. For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision. It's so hard to make that call. I know when I had to put my dog down a couple years back it was incredibly hard. I wrestled with the decision for about a month until I knew it was time. Probably waited too long. I still miss her. We watched a lot of hockey together.

Abby.JPG

[StuntMan12]

Sorry for your loss Stuntman. For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision. It's so hard to make that call. I know when I had to put my dog down a couple years back it was incredibly hard. I wrestled with the decision for about a month until I knew it was time. Probably waited too long. I still miss her. We watched a lot of hockey together.

Abby.JPG

Sorry for your loss. I think in the end, owning a pet is very rewarding. It's just very hard thinking about having to put them down. I think I'm getting Ralf's ashes back next week and will spread em in the spring time.

[2014olympicgold]

I had to put my first family dog down about 8yrs ago, it was actually 1 week before Christmas and I was the only one there. My parents and sister were away somewhere and Lucky was about 14yrs old, clearly on the downswing and going a bit loopy, then one morning he barely could walk and was in a lot of pain. I took him to the vet (we were there pretty often with him near the end, just to see if he was in pain at all and what we can do) and it was a "you should put him down today". It was crazy tough for a teenager to do alone, and every Christmas we remember Lucky. We struggled for a month or two in a quiet home and I went out to pick up our new dog Marshall to surprise the family. Well my sister and I clearly think the same, and now we have 2 dogs.

Honestly it hurts, and it's a different pain than a sudden loss, and it sticks a little harder. But even when I remember that crap day, the 2nd thought and beyond is all loving ones and fun memories of Lucky. It hurts, and it does fade, but 14yrs of happy memories always helps ease it.

[Godin]

Sorry for your loss ST12. I totally understand.

I never had a dog growing up. My daughters got a part sheppard, part husky when they were going to university and living downtown. I fell in love with this dog. She was amazing. I would watch her when my daughters were away and got very close to her. After 4 years, she developed glaucoma, which is apparently common in some husky breeds. She lost one eye, and then the other. 2 years ago, I had her for 2 weeks when my oldest daughter, who had become sole owner, was in South Africa. You would hardly know she was completely blind. She would anticipate curbs and raise her leg. She would start to pull a block away from her favorite park. She would run and play in the snow.

A year ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and by the end of January, we had to put her down. She was 7. Truly one of the saddest days of my life.

Edit. What a coincidence. My daughter just texted me to tell me that she would have turned 8 today.

[Canucks_fan18]

Oh man Stuntman I get it. They truly are family, I will share two stories and my grief afterwards. The first was a Great Dane I owned. I lived off a highway a fair distance away on an acreage, it was February, 2014. I let my Dog Duke who was just over a years old out to pee. I never had much issue with him running towards the road but it had happened so I should of known better. Normally it's a quick out and in but I was washing dishes and got distracted. I must of left him out for 10 minutes, when I had a feeling it was too long. I was just walking outside, when somebody was walking to my door to let me know he had been hit. I ran to road to see my boy lying there lifeless, part of me thought he would get up, my cousin who was living with me at time was with me and the person who found him. I remember the pain in the person's voice telling me he was gone. My cousin and I loaded him on the back of my truck and drove him to the vets to be cremated and have a paw print made. He was so big, the carries were two man lifts both onto the truck and into the vet where they had almost a pull up loading dock. Filling out the paperwork in the lobby, I was sobbing, I felt like I let him down. I wasn't right for at least a weak. I felt a dark cloud over me and for the first time in my life I didn't find joy in anything. I remember watching the gold medal mens hockey game Canada vs Sweden barely caring, melting into my coach. My girlfriend, now wife was working up North on work shift two weeks on, 1 week off. I drove up to tell her the news in person that night. I called my friends and family and just tried to grasp at some sort of comfort. I did get over the incident though with time. We still had a cat Tiger and a little Dog Foxy.

The next Dog I lost was about a year later Foxy. She was a miniature Eskimo that was my girlfriends but in time I felt was mine as well. Her stomach kept growing and her mobility lessened she was 10, 11 or 12? I can't quite remember but certainly a longer life span. We took her to the vet in the fall of 2014 to find out she had a large mass in her stomach and they could do surgery but weren't sure how long it would give her. It was just over $1000.00 and we decided to get it done. For a period over the following months she was back to her old self. Jumping onto our bed no problem, happy and energetic but in 2015 with us expecting our first child and hoping Foxy would make it to meet her, she started deteriorating. It was sad but we felt blessed to have had her back to her old self after that surgery, so my girlfriend and I took her in to be put down. My girlfriend (wife) had her since Foxy was 1 and choose not to be in the room when it happened. I stayed there and held her paw and got one last kiss before she left us. I shed a tear but I was more at peace with this one and happy that she did in fact live a full good life.

In your case much like my 2nd example and even to a degree in my 1st example is to realize that these Dogs have great lifes when they come into a family in which they are loved. They become family and our spoiled and live a life without fear and just happiness. There are a lot of dogs out there that never get that opportunity and our neglected or mistreated. This is what you need to hold onto even though time will be the only thing that ultimately heals you. It's also nice to reach out to a community like ours to know your not alone. Hang in there Stuntman as nothing is forever and you will feel better soon.

[StuntMan12]

I had to put my first family dog down about 8yrs ago, it was actually 1 week before Christmas and I was the only one there. My parents and sister were away somewhere and Lucky was about 14yrs old, clearly on the downswing and going a bit loopy, then one morning he barely could walk and was in a lot of pain. I took him to the vet (we were there pretty often with him near the end, just to see if he was in pain at all and what we can do) and it was a "you should put him down today". It was crazy tough for a teenager to do alone, and every Christmas we remember Lucky. We struggled for a month or two in a quiet home and I went out to pick up our new dog Marshall to surprise the family. Well my sister and I clearly think the same, and now we have 2 dogs.

Honestly it hurts, and it's a different pain than a sudden loss, and it sticks a little harder. But even when I remember that crap day, the 2nd thought and beyond is all loving ones and fun memories of Lucky. It hurts, and it does fade, but 14yrs of happy memories always helps ease it.

Thank you for sharing this.

Sorry for your loss ST12. I totally understand.

I never had a dog growing up. My daughters got a part sheppard, part husky when they were going to university and living downtown. I fell in love with this dog. She was amazing. I would watch her when my daughters were away and got very close to her. After 4 years, she developed glaucoma, which is apparently common in some husky breeds. She lost one eye, and then the other. 2 years ago, I had her for 2 weeks when my oldest daughter, who had become sole owner, was in South Africa. You would hardly know she was completely blind. She would anticipate curbs and raise her leg. She would start to pull a block away from her favorite park. She would run and play in the snow.

A year ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and by the end of January, we had to put her down. She was 7. Truly one of the saddest days of my life.

Edit. What a coincidence. My daughter just texted me to tell me that she would have turned 8 today.

Thank you for sharing this as well.

Oh man Stuntman I get it. They truly are family, I will share two stories and my grief afterwards. The first was a Great Dane I owned. I lived off a highway a fair distance away on an acreage, it was February, 2014. I let my Dog Duke who was just over a years old out to pee. I never had much issue with him running towards the road but it had happened so I should of known better. Normally it's a quick out and in but I was washing dishes and got distracted. I must of left him out for 10 minutes, when I had a feeling it was too long. I was just walking outside, when somebody was walking to my door to let me know he had been hit. I ran to road to see my boy lying there lifeless, part of me thought he would get up, my cousin who was living with me at time was with me and the person who found him. I remember the pain in the person's voice telling me he was gone. My cousin and I loaded him on the back of my truck and drove him to the vets to be cremated and have a paw print made. He was so big, the carries were two man lifts both onto the truck and into the vet where they had almost a pull up loading dock. Filling out the paperwork in the lobby, I was sobbing, I felt like I let him down. I wasn't right for at least a weak. I felt a dark cloud over me and for the first time in my life I didn't find joy in anything. I remember watching the gold medal mens hockey game Canada vs Sweden barely caring, melting into my coach. My girlfriend, now wife was working up North on work shift two weeks on, 1 week off. I drove up to tell her the news in person that night. I called my friends and family and just tried to grasp at some sort of comfort. I did get over the incident though with time. We still had a cat Tiger and a little Dog Foxy.

The next Dog I lost was about a year later Foxy. She was a miniature Eskimo that was my girlfriends but in time I felt was mine as well. Her stomach kept growing and her mobility lessened she was 10, 11 or 12? I can't quite remember but certainly a longer life span. We took her to the vet in the fall of 2014 to find out she had a large mass in her stomach and they could do surgery but weren't sure how long it would give her. It was just over $1000.00 and we decided to get it done. For a period over the following months she was back to her old self. Jumping onto our bed no problem, happy and energetic but in 2015 with us expecting our first child and hoping Foxy would make it to meet her, she started deteriorating. It was sad but we felt blessed to have had her back to her old self after that surgery, so my girlfriend and I took her in to be put down. My girlfriend (wife) had her since Foxy was 1 and choose not to be in the room when it happened. I stayed there and held her paw and got one last kiss before she left us. I shed a tear but I was more at peace with this one and happy that she did in fact live a full good life.

In your case much like my 2nd example and even to a degree in my 1st example is to realize that these Dogs have great lifes when they come into a family in which they are loved. They become family and our spoiled and live a life without fear and just happiness. There are a lot of dogs out there that never get that opportunity and our neglected or mistreated. This is what you need to hold onto even though time will be the only thing that ultimately heals you. It's also nice to reach out to a community like ours to know your not alone. Hang in there Stuntman as nothing is forever and you will feel better soon.

Sorry to hear about your pets. But I agree, it will get better. Just the grief hits you in spurts I noticed. We put him down on the 24th just before we were set to have Christmas eve dinner, we had dinner same time on the 25th and I cried. My sister asked me if I wanted to wait to put down Ralf until my brother had gotten there and said his good-bye's. I said no, I don't want to see Ralf suffer anymore. He didn't appear to be in any pain but he kept his head tilted and his eyes were going back and forth as if he were dizzy. I really didn't like that so we rushed to the vet.

[GinFizz]

This is what i wrote last april

My heart is saddened/heavy/broken as I had to put my best friend to rest this morning. Murphy was a 14 year old miniature schnauzer that was overcome with cancer that spread throughout his body very rapidly. Its one of the hardest decisions me and my wife will ever make but it was the right decision.
On a brighter note, we will be welcoming a new baby girl to our family at the end of May. So goes the circle of life


RIP - Murph