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Thread: The new parent advice thread!

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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Atomic Wedgy View Post
    Congrats dooley! Didn't read all the other comments, but if any of mine are the same, that will lend them credibility.

    1 - Your wife will not be logical while she is pregnant and/or has a new child. It is your job to be quiet, suck it up and tell her she's right. Then do whatever makes her feel loved. Have no fear, it will pass when the kids turns about 2... unless you have another kid... Then repeat steps above for a while.
    2 - Never, ever push your baby's legs up toward their head too far when you are changing a diaper. If you create too much pressure in the stomach area, you could force poo out of the anus like yer pumping the handle of a well! You'll figure out what is "too far". Good luck.
    3 - Do extra things around the house for your wife when the baby is young. If the missus is napping, get the laundry done, tidy up or start making dinner. These things make a relationship solid when its under a lot of stress with a baby.
    4 - In the first year, you need to learn to nap and sleep when you can. Doesn't matter when. Just sleep when you can.
    5 - Babys will drink a cold bottle if that is what they are used to. If you heat it up all the time, they'll need it hot all the time. You don't need the stress of trying to heat a bottle if you dont need to. Make things easy for yourself. It will not give them a tummy ache...
    6 - Create a routine for the baby. Especially a bed time routine. Do specific things all in a row so the baby knows its building up to bed time. Bath, sing songs (maybe even a special bed time song) when getting dressed, dim the lights, give them a baby massage, bottle, then say the same things as a goodnight. Do this without fail (when possible). Make the routine happen at the same time every night (where possible). Dont stop doing this when they are toddlers. Modify the routine as they grow up, but continue until they are at least into school. Kids respond to routine. They will go to sleep. Make sure your 5 year old is going to sleep at a proper time (7ish ... getting around 12 hours sleep) when they start school, the extra sleep will make them into learning machines. Routine is hard work, but the pay off is immense. Your baby will just "go to sleep" and you can relax with the missus without distraction and that is most definitely worth the trouble.
    7 - Take loads of pictures. You will anyway for the first baby, but make sure to get as many for the second one. They'll ask why there aren't as many pictures of them! hahah
    8 - Enjoy it when they are babies. Its a incredibly amazing time. Its hard, but you will look back fondly. Its a beautiful time. Bliss.
    dude, gold!
    We talked about the cold bottle thing, friends of ours are always ****ing about trying to get it to the perfect temperature

  2. #47
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    To me, being a new parent is like trying to keep a bunch of plates spinning in the air. Books are a good resource, but so too are your instincts and those of other friends who have kids. But try to go to folks who are like-minded, and know that in many cases they'll be making things either sound much better or much worse than they really are, and YMMV.

    Don't be hung up on milestones, yet do keep them in mind. You want you child to sleep and eat well, and later to be potty-trained, but there's no set formula for anything.

    Try to multi-task whenever possible. Every time you leave a room, think what you can do on your way out, whether to pick something up or to help deal with laundry or dishes. The same goes with every time you leave the house - can you be getting something done while you're out?

    I also agree with routine being key, and trying not to bend too often. Short term parenting shortcuts and taking the quick and easy way out can come back to haunt you big time. The story I always tell folks is my wife knew a couple where they seemed to be the picture of perfect parents, balancing work and home life and by all appearance were doing it all, and doing it well. Turns out the family had been reduced to eating their dinner while sitting on the floor under the table. Apparently one of the kids was acting out and they were so desperate for harmony that they bent their will to do what the kid wanted, figuring it would be a one time thing. But it spiraled from there and now they seemingly couldn't undo it. Of course in the end they did rectify the situation, yet it cost them a whole lot more time than they saved by not pushing back earlier. If your kids know the routine and that you're not a softy, things will go well. Of course I'm not saying you should rule with an iron fist; but kids want direction and routine when young. Help them - and you - by giving it to them.

    More later if I get time.
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    This is a good thread.
    On some days, I'm filled with advice to give. Today - I've got a brutal work day so I only have time for quick advice.

    Piggybacking on the key one I've seen everybody give, re: Sleeping:

    i) SLEEP. You sleep when the kid sleeps. You'll be a good parent if you are well-rested, which is impossible, but knowing you need sleep as your #1.
    ii) SET SLEEP RULES (OPTIONAL). This worked for me & my wife. I took every baby cry 9pm-2am. From 2am-7am, they were hers. 7am-8:30am, I woke with the baby, exhausted it, put it back down to sleep, went to work. This allowed us to know who would get the baby at different times of the night. There's bliss in knowing that you have a set time when it is NOT your responsibility to deal with the baby. You can choose not to do this... and then you can wake up together at 3:46am and argue over whose turn it is.
    iii) COFFEE. I didn't drink coffee before my first kid. But being sharp with a baby is critical. Don't sleepwalk through it. Now, I drink a mug+ everyday.

    [This should be a good thread. I have two daughters, as does Dobber IIRC. If you end up in the Dads with Daughters club, I'll give you more advice. Mine are age 3 & 7 now. Mercy, I have some stories... just about every one there is... including some of the bad ones. btw - Glad your wife is past week 12 of her pregnancy. Miscarriages are a lot more common these days than I think they once were. My wife has been pregnant by natural means 7 times and we have 1 kid to show for it... yeah, crunch that math. We didn't want them to be 4.5yrs apart. So, here's hoping your wife has a smooth pregnancy... looking forward to a baby can be great if it goes smoothly. Most young want-to-be-parents aren't ready when they have the misfortune of trouble with pregnancy, and some do. I have a doozy of a story of getting "announced on" by friends a day after my wife miscarried - so be aware of your friends' situations as you bask in your own forthcoming happiness.]

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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    #16... you can watch UFC with your child until about 2 . Until then they don't really understand the blood etc. At least that was the cut off for me/us, heh.

    #17. run with whatever your child is into. seeing interests explored and the passion/memory abilities at a young age is crazy exciting. (solar system, volcano's for me) Youtube is phenomenal for this.
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Cool thread and congratulations!

    I have a 2.5 year old and another one on the way and would only add a couple more obscure things to the above suggestions:

    1. Cleaning the belly button/umbilical cord - Don't worry about being overly gentle with it. Get that cottom swab in around the base or it starts to get nasty in a hurry. My wife and I were too gentle at first.
    2. burping/farting your kid. I think most of the crying my son did in his first months of life was due to gas pain (Just like his old man! lol). Burping was another aspect of babying we were maybe a little ginger with. When we got a little firmer with the burping he started to actually get the gas out a bit better. Different orientations also helped get the gas out the other end a bit better.
    3. Everyone else has mentioned this one but the first few months were almost completely sleepless. I was lucky in that my wife doesn't work and I had accumulated 2 months of banked time to take off. It was essential to survival...
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Here are a few other tidbits:

    Do not, under any circumstances, buy baby clothes to impress. Onesies are so key, as are socks that go one well yet aren't easy for the kid to pull off.

    Strollers are a similar story - be practical. Buy a stroller like you'd buy a car, for safety and to include features you truly need, not because of bells and whistles.

    You might be tempted to buy a used carseat, but don't. Buy a new one - it's the only true way you can know it's safe.

    For skin stuff, the tried and try adage of "if it's wet, keep it dry, and if it's dry keep it wet" does tend to work. For really bad rashes, Aquafor worked well. Of course YMMV though, and do check with a doctor if you have specific concerns.

    Once they get a bit older, make sure you give them something to occupy them while changing them, since otherwise their hands will cause problems.

    Most kids will get sick - a lot. If you put them in daycare, they'll get sick early but then won't tend to get as sick at school. But illness will come and you will catch lots of stuff from them, including things where they're almost fine but you get hit really bad. If possible, try to stay away from the line of fire, and don't touch your face unless your hands have been washed.

    Do feel free to still go out to dinner, but best choose places or times when you're unlikely to cause a ruckus that upsets others around you. And you might be able to see movies too - some theaters have baby-friendly showtimes.

    Try your best to encourage tummy time and not to have them spend a lot of time lying with their heads flat, since I'm not sure if you've seen babies with soft helmets but often that's due to the baby spending too much time with the back of its head flat on a surface.

    Make up your own mind about pacifiers. My family was pro-pacifier FWIW. When it came time to sleep train, we dumped about a dozen pacifiers in the crib so if one fell out they could find another quickly. But do clean them regularly - we'd put them in boiling water to sanitize.

    Don't fall into the baby product vortex. You will not harm or shortchange your baby if you don't buy every last product that's supposed to make him/her smarter or happier. Stick to tried and true things, or get recommendations from people you trust. Companies prey on your desire as a parent to raise your baby right, so always keep that in mind.
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    Click here to read my weekly "Roos Lets Loose" columns, going live every Wednesday morning and consisting of a rotating schedule of a "forum buzz" column, a fantasy hockey mailbag, a tournament/poll, and an edition of Goldipucks and the Three Skaters: https://dobberhockey.com/category/ho...key-rick-roos/

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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    RD mentions a good point I'll expand on. Strollers. We got one with double wheels in front it was big and bulky. Looked cool as shit though. Until you need to fit, child, dog and stroller in the car safely. FML. Go for light-weight, compactability. The lighter it is and smaller it folds, the better off your life will be. If either of you are a runner - there are some really sweet 3 wheel options that fit the bill. Don't be a man... be practical on this one.
    Follow me on twitter: @doylelb4

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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Pengwin7 View Post
    This is a good thread.
    On some days, I'm filled with advice to give. Today - I've got a brutal work day so I only have time for quick advice.

    Piggybacking on the key one I've seen everybody give, re: Sleeping:

    i) SLEEP. You sleep when the kid sleeps. You'll be a good parent if you are well-rested, which is impossible, but knowing you need sleep as your #1.
    ii) SET SLEEP RULES (OPTIONAL). This worked for me & my wife. I took every baby cry 9pm-2am. From 2am-7am, they were hers. 7am-8:30am, I woke with the baby, exhausted it, put it back down to sleep, went to work. This allowed us to know who would get the baby at different times of the night. There's bliss in knowing that you have a set time when it is NOT your responsibility to deal with the baby. You can choose not to do this... and then you can wake up together at 3:46am and argue over whose turn it is.
    iii) COFFEE. I didn't drink coffee before my first kid. But being sharp with a baby is critical. Don't sleepwalk through it. Now, I drink a mug+ everyday.

    [This should be a good thread. I have two daughters, as does Dobber IIRC. If you end up in the Dads with Daughters club, I'll give you more advice. Mine are age 3 & 7 now. Mercy, I have some stories... just about every one there is... including some of the bad ones. btw - Glad your wife is past week 12 of her pregnancy. Miscarriages are a lot more common these days than I think they once were. My wife has been pregnant by natural means 7 times and we have 1 kid to show for it... yeah, crunch that math. We didn't want them to be 4.5yrs apart. So, here's hoping your wife has a smooth pregnancy... looking forward to a baby can be great if it goes smoothly. Most young want-to-be-parents aren't ready when they have the misfortune of trouble with pregnancy, and some do. I have a doozy of a story of getting "announced on" by friends a day after my wife miscarried - so be aware of your friends' situations as you bask in your own forthcoming happiness.]
    I like the Sleep Rules thing. My Wife started off doing this but then we realized that we needed to be flexibile with it... Since our little guy was waking up similar times every night and it always seemed to fall in my time.... we decided to make it a different schedule every night based on what time he was up the night before and who got more sleep in the last 24 hours.

  9. #54
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by RizzeeDizzee View Post
    Here are a few other tidbits:

    Do not, under any circumstances, buy baby clothes to impress. Onesies are so key, as are socks that go one well yet aren't easy for the kid to pull off.

    Strollers are a similar story - be practical. Buy a stroller like you'd buy a car, for safety and to include features you truly need, not because of bells and whistles.

    You might be tempted to buy a used carseat, but don't. Buy a new one - it's the only true way you can know it's safe.

    For skin stuff, the tried and try adage of "if it's wet, keep it dry, and if it's dry keep it wet" does tend to work. For really bad rashes, Aquafor worked well. Of course YMMV though, and do check with a doctor if you have specific concerns.

    Once they get a bit older, make sure you give them something to occupy them while changing them, since otherwise their hands will cause problems.

    Most kids will get sick - a lot. If you put them in daycare, they'll get sick early but then won't tend to get as sick at school. But illness will come and you will catch lots of stuff from them, including things where they're almost fine but you get hit really bad. If possible, try to stay away from the line of fire, and don't touch your face unless your hands have been washed.

    Do feel free to still go out to dinner, but best choose places or times when you're unlikely to cause a ruckus that upsets others around you. And you might be able to see movies too - some theaters have baby-friendly showtimes.

    Try your best to encourage tummy time and not to have them spend a lot of time lying with their heads flat, since I'm not sure if you've seen babies with soft helmets but often that's due to the baby spending too much time with the back of its head flat on a surface.

    Make up your own mind about pacifiers. My family was pro-pacifier FWIW. When it came time to sleep train, we dumped about a dozen pacifiers in the crib so if one fell out they could find another quickly. But do clean them regularly - we'd put them in boiling water to sanitize.

    Don't fall into the baby product vortex. You will not harm or shortchange your baby if you don't buy every last product that's supposed to make him/her smarter or happier. Stick to tried and true things, or get recommendations from people you trust. Companies prey on your desire as a parent to raise your baby right, so always keep that in mind.
    The pacifier thing never even crossed my mind, I think we're pro-pacifier ill have to check with the wife lol!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by lucafen4 View Post
    RD mentions a good point I'll expand on. Strollers. We got one with double wheels in front it was big and bulky. Looked cool as shit though. Until you need to fit, child, dog and stroller in the car safely. FML. Go for light-weight, compactability. The lighter it is and smaller it folds, the better off your life will be. If either of you are a runner - there are some really sweet 3 wheel options that fit the bill. Don't be a man... be practical on this one.
    I think my wife has her eyes on a 3 wheel stroller right now, our best friends just had a girl on Feb 14 and they love theirs.
    The car seat just clicks out of the car and right into the stroller, I couldn't believe how easy it was!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by PenguinHunter View Post
    I like the Sleep Rules thing. My Wife started off doing this but then we realized that we needed to be flexibile with it... Since our little guy was waking up similar times every night and it always seemed to fall in my time.... we decided to make it a different schedule every night based on what time he was up the night before and who got more sleep in the last 24 hours.
    Was your wife home with your son during this time?
    I'm working 60-70 hours a week right now between two jobs (both extremely flexible and 2 mins from home) but my wife will likely not go back to work.
    Was that ever a factor? Like okay hun, you don't work so you can wake up at 3am kind of thing lol?

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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by dooley89 View Post
    The pacifier thing never even crossed my mind, I think we're pro-pacifier ill have to check with the wife lol!

    - - - Updated - - -



    I think my wife has her eyes on a 3 wheel stroller right now, our best friends just had a girl on Feb 14 and they love theirs.
    The car seat just clicks out of the car and right into the stroller, I couldn't believe how easy it was!
    we tried to avoid a pacifier. She wouldn't sleep. She barely slept with it. Getting rid of it was 'hell'. We almost went to the doc to get a prescription for tranquilizer darts. She's 5 1/2 and still hates to sleep.

    Sleep plans are good.... until your child throws you a big f--- you sign and sh*ts all over every plan you have. I told you there will be sh*t.
    Better idea... don't make plans. Be a ninja, your child FROM BIRTH will sniff that plan out and mess it up. Best to lay low.
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Another thing that's worth mentioning now, even though it's likely among the farthest things from your mind - the timing of kid #2.

    My sons are 21 months apart. That was not by design, since it took us a year before my wife got pregnant with son #1, so we figured we'd be in for more of the same once we started to try for kid #2, especially since we were both 33 once we started trying again. Nope - she got pregnant very quickly once we resumed trying. Having two kids that close in age was very crazy early on, since we had both in diapers for a while and had baby gates and the like for a lot longer. Basically, it was sustained craziness for 3-4 years. But now is when it's paying dividends, since they're close enough in age to be buddies and really enjoy each other's company. Think about things like that, and go in with a plan. But of course, healthy kids are a gift whenever they come.

    As for more advice for newborns:

    Be sure all tippable furniture is secured to the wall, as that is a real risk once the kids can stand.

    In room humidifiers are your friends. Get cool mist ones with filters that can be easily removed and cleaned (usually with vinegar). They will help as much if not more than any medicine when your kid is stuffed up or coughing. No need to break the bank - good ones are available for less than $50.

    Teething is tough, but usually nowhere near the nightmare some describe. What worked well for us were teething toys that you can refrigerate.

    Some folks say you should get your kids to the dentist as soon as they get teeth. We didn't and have no regrets. Again though, this is an area of personal choice.

    Most kids will fall asleep at the drop of a hat if you take them on a car ride. Keep this in mind if you're worried about sleep schedule disruption - that is, if you're going to drive for a few hours with the kid in the car, try to overlap that with nap time.

    Once our sons were sleeping at least a decent chunk of time at night, we had them on two naps per day for a while, and both even kept one nap until at least age 4. Naps are very good for them, and you. My advice on how to keep your kid napping is to be very consistent on timing and, once they get old enough to open doors, put a door guard to prevent them from opening their door.

    Buy about a dozen of the cheapest, ugliest towels you can find, and several sheet sets. This is because your kid will puke in bed or elsewhere, and this way you can just clean and toss. And I'm not talking about spit up - I'm talking puking from illness. Another tip is that they almost never puke just once, so be ready.

    It will be tempting to buy diapers and even clothes in large quantities, but be careful since the kid will grow fast. Also, the labels on many clothes often don't apply. For example, 0-3 months for us basically covered only until week 4 or 5. And my sons were out of 3-6 month stuff by month 2. Diapers also can be outgrown quickly, so avoid buying hundreds at once.
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    18. You must present a united front from day one against your child. One cannot say no and the other waiver. These children make elephant memories look miniscule! Clear,consistent rules. I don’t know how manytimes I’ve had to pick my daughter up and just carry her to the car upset inorder to get out of the house on time. Stubborn as a mule that one! (gets it from hermother J)

    19. Piggy backing that first thought – your child is goingto need to cry themselves to sleep at some point and you just gotta deal withthe horrific gut feelings of feeling like a bad parent for letting themcry. I’m not talking week one.. but soonenough, they need to sort it out themselves. Life gets easy fast if you canconquer that one (we never did. Like I said… stubborn).
    -------- further thoughts --------------
    20. Potty training… make it a game, we rewarded her with a singlechocolate chip for a pee, two for a poo.It’s a good thing, make it a big deal.

    21. Sometimes, as a last resort – BRIBERY. Mornings for this little girl have from dayone been a chore. Pants feel funny, sock doesn’t feel right, tantrum ensues. Andvoila – late for work, great morning in the dumper. So we have a ‘reward board’5 good mornings in a row & she gets apack of stickers for her sticker book. Since implementing this… she’s been ableto control her outbursts & has rolled out 3 consecutive weeks without fussor muss.

    22. Parenting books. Filled with great intent, but they arefar from a bible. A child/baby is not a cookie cutter – these books don’t suitall children. Sometimes what they suggestis just downright dumb.You do what yougotta do to survive as parents. It’s survival of the fittest and your child isgoing to make it known he/she is the fittest damn quick! You need to find waysto stay ahead of that curve – and you figure them out on the fly – not abook.

    The only book worthwhile in my opinion is ‘what to expect inthe first year’ or something like that… it’s all factual, developmental stuff – not some parent of one tellingyou how to raise your child of completely different genes and family values. I hate parenting books.

    23. Sign up for the parenting websites – Johnson &Johnson etc. they send you FREE SHIT! It’s all about FREE SHIT! We got one ofthose cloth baby carriers, diapers, creams etc. they all want you to try theirproduct – take it! Then go to Costco and buy the Kirkland brand of diapers andwipes!

    24. Did I mentionthere will be poo? Consumed you will be. … oh yes I did, several times.You’ll understand why I have, soonenough.(Kirkland wipes get off meconiumeasy peasy… just sayin’)
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    Default Re: The new parent advice thread!

    Day 4, what ride its been so far...
    Wife gave birth to a beautiful ginger, Ruby Elise.. 5lb 10 oz.. tiny but fierce..
    best bit of advice came from our midwife, "do what you have to do to survive the first 2 weeks."...TRUTH!.

    1 hr naps are priceless..

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    Congrats mate. Hope you didn't leave without making sure they give you the manual for the baby. Enjoy mate, its a really special time even though its quite hard. Post as many poo stories you like. We'll read them all! haha

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    Congrats!

    having a child is a true blessing.

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