The new parent advice thread!

[fantasyhockeygeek]

One of the best things about kids is that they are an incredibly effective mirror for your own bullshit -- you will see the worst of yourself in them, and it'll require some introspection and work get your own crap under control so you can help them with theirs.

[Pengwin7]

We did some online courses as well over the last few weeks, and I agree, a lot of the foundation was clarified through those, but the stuff in this thread is a lot more practical.

The issue with "courses" and "books" is that it covers the basics, the essentials.
It covers the middle-of-the-Gaussian curve (if you know what that is... one of my favourite life-think-concepts)
It's like the learning-to-read or learning-to-walk.
If you've got a decent head on your shoulders... all that stuff, you'd learn it through friends or family or trial & error, yourself.

The hard stuff is the stuff that seems only applicable to YOUR kid.
Other parents will come along and say "Well... this (explanation) worked for us..."
That's the hard part... when you know what other parents did isn't/won't work for you/your-kid...
And then you're off to find your own non-book, non-video solution.

Looking back on our kids (now age 7 & 11)...
We got a lot of advice from friends & family that didn't work on our kids...
Some kids are easy.
Some kids are hard.
Some kids are messed up.

I wanted to firmly believe (when we started) that good parenting & smarts could rule all.
There ARE kid conditions that will be out-of-your-hands... and you need a doctor or special medications...
And if you don't get there... consider your kid blessed.

From the parents I've talked to in my life... I'd say 1-in-2 Parent/Kid goes through something astronomically difficult in the first 3 years.
You'll know when you get through about 3 years which side you had.
We had/have one of each. Our tough kid (first) and our easy kid (second).

It's interesting listening to other parents.
We've actually been talking with a couple down the street recently who have an 18-year old son... he is bi-polar/manic/autistic/severe-anxiety/suicidal... one of the first times I've talked to parents who've dealt with more shit than we've been through with our oldest. And my daughters best friend, was diagnosed with brain cancer, at age 9, two years ago. They've been toughing through almost 2 years now trying to grind through with smiles/positivity... but it can't possible be like the smiles/stories they post on Facebook. Puts things in persepctive.

Point here: Find your other parent friends... talk to them A LOT... if anything, just so you know when you have the goods/bads. Helps you appreciate things. It's not so much for solutions... it's just for the talk... and the listening.

[hockeyrobot]

More wise words above. Thanks guys.

[senryu]

My wife joined a post-birth class at a place that taught and helped with breast feeding for new moms. Breast feeding will very likely be a difficult process at the start if you go that route and you as the dad won't really be able to do anything to help. That group of women in that breast feeding class became a tight-knit circle of friends even after all these years. The women would bounce ideas and questions to each other about all manner of child-rearing questions, which speaks to Pengwin's bolded point about talking with other parents being invaluable.

And remember, for the first few months, you are just a helper. In the baby's eyes, you are merely mama's furry helper-boy, not daddy. Don't take that personally and don't take it personally that you'll be receiving less attention from your partner than you normally might. It's the natural thing as both you and your partner will be devoting a firehose stream of attention to the baby. Just do what you can to support the mama and eventually it won't be as rough as it was before.

[lucafen4]

Books are great for baseline advice - but not all kids fit within a book. Be willing to toss the book away and do what you need to to survive.
Sound harsh perhaps, but let me tell you, we broke every rule any book has ever given. 'don't bribe' but what if that's the only way you can convince your child to put their shoes on to go trick or treating? Weird example? maybe, but her anxiety about knocking on doors was so high, she couldn't get her shoes on to go.

You need so much patience - in general, read and respond to the situation. sometimes hard ass works. other times, you need to sit and snuggle for an hour.

Honestly the parents that had a parenting plan that were able to stick to it and execute until they reached school age are the minority.
They fall into one of two categories - unrelenting, stubborn a**holes - or - horseshoe level luck.

99% of the time - Your child will have other plans.

So be ready to adapt on the fly.

Our child is a total split of the two of us. She has my sarcastic quick sense of humour & suffers from her mothers HANGRY attacks. At 10, we still drag a bottle of water and snacks everywhere we go - (I should have been doing this for the 8 years prior to having our daughter).

Best advice I can give - looking back I've given a lot on this thread.

New parent. Soak it in every single day. All of it, the good, the bad. Cherish it. You'll know what everyone means by 'it goes by so fast' pretty quick.

[GinFizz]

The issue with "courses" and "books" is that it covers the basics, the essentials.
It covers the middle-of-the-Gaussian curve (if you know what that is... one of my favourite life-think-concepts)
It's like the learning-to-read or learning-to-walk.
If you've got a decent head on your shoulders... all that stuff, you'd learn it through friends or family or trial & error, yourself.

The hard stuff is the stuff that seems only applicable to YOUR kid.
Other parents will come along and say "Well... this (explanation) worked for us..."
That's the hard part... when you know what other parents did isn't/won't work for you/your-kid...
And then you're off to find your own non-book, non-video solution.

Looking back on our kids (now age 7 & 11)...
We got a lot of advice from friends & family that didn't work on our kids...
Some kids are easy.
Some kids are hard.
Some kids are messed up.

I wanted to firmly believe (when we started) that good parenting & smarts could rule all.
There ARE kid conditions that will be out-of-your-hands... and you need a doctor or special medications...
And if you don't get there... consider your kid blessed.

From the parents I've talked to in my life... I'd say 1-in-2 Parent/Kid goes through something astronomically difficult in the first 3 years.
You'll know when you get through about 3 years which side you had.
We had/have one of each. Our tough kid (first) and our easy kid (second).

It's interesting listening to other parents.
We've actually been talking with a couple down the street recently who have an 18-year old son... he is bi-polar/manic/autistic/severe-anxiety/suicidal... one of the first times I've talked to parents who've dealt with more shit than we've been through with our oldest. And my daughters best friend, was diagnosed with brain cancer, at age 9, two years ago. They've been toughing through almost 2 years now trying to grind through with smiles/positivity... but it can't possible be like the smiles/stories they post on Facebook. Puts things in persepctive.

Point here: Find your other parent friends... talk to them A LOT... if anything, just so you know when you have the goods/bads. Helps you appreciate things. It's not so much for solutions... it's just for the talk... and the listening.

^^ This is truth.!!! especially the part of talking to parent friends A LOT!

[hockeyrobot]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh boy. What a weekend. My wife was induced on Thursday and we now have a baby boy.

I cannot believe the amount of information thrown at you in the hospital before you are discharged!

I was pretty amused that he was born during the what is usually the slowest sports time of the year. But now it's hockey mayhem so I will likely miss out on most of it. And that's ok with me.

[Eskimo Brother]

Congrats! I think we're only a few days away here too.

Hope all is well with the whole family on your end

[Axeman33]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh boy. What a weekend. My wife was induced on Thursday and we now have a baby boy.

I cannot believe the amount of information thrown at you in the hospital before you are discharged!

I was pretty amused that he was born during the what is usually the slowest sports time of the year. But now it's hockey mayhem so I will likely miss out on most of it. And that's ok with me.

Wow! Congratulations ole buddy. Now the real fun begins.

EB, you're up!

[Pengwin7]

Congrats hr! Keep us posted with those first 3 month stories!
The Challenge of New-Work-Distribution btw Hubby/Wife starts now! (one of the bigger challenges, IMO!!!)

[Feenom]

Enjoy your new gift. Have fun. Congrats HR

[GinFizz]

Congrats HR!!! enjoy the ride cause it goes fast.....

[horrorfan]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh boy. What a weekend. My wife was induced on Thursday and we now have a baby boy.

I cannot believe the amount of information thrown at you in the hospital before you are discharged!

I was pretty amused that he was born during the what is usually the slowest sports time of the year. But now it's hockey mayhem so I will likely miss out on most of it. And that's ok with me.

Congrats!

[Dr.Brad]

Congratulations!! Here’s the DOCTOR’S advice: About 1/2 the babies in the world are born to parents who can’t (or don’t) read. Another large % above that wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t listen, or don’t care. You’re already in the top 5%.

Your children need your time, and your love. And thank God when they grow up to be better than their parents!!

[Eskimo Brother]

Congrats hr! Keep us posted with those first 3 month stories!
The Challenge of New-Work-Distribution btw Hubby/Wife starts now! (one of the bigger challenges, IMO!!!)

So if you were the one that already did all the cooking/cleaning/trash/laundry, she starts taking over?