The new parent advice thread!

[hockeyrobot]

Baby was born really early this morning and weighing in at just under 8 pounds.

Her and mom are both healthy, and for the first time since the birth they're sleeping at the same time.

It is stressful, wonderful, and life-changing already

Congrats EB!! Welcome to the club haha.

[blayze]

Congratulations man - good to have some company in the new fathers club

Some friendly advice - everyone will try to give you advice on how to raise your kid - your parents, friends, in-laws, relatives, colleagues - just smile, nod and then tune them out.

You and your wife will figure out what's best for your kid.

[4T2]

Baby was born really early this morning and weighing in at just under 8 pounds.

Her and mom are both healthy, and for the first time since the birth they're sleeping at the same time.

It is stressful, wonderful, and life-changing already

Awesome news man! Congrats!

This should make it easier to get a leg up on you in our leagues this year as you’ll be nice and distracted!

In all seriousness, you’re going to love being a Dad. It’s the greatest feeling in the world. Enjoy every second man, time starts moving a lot quicker when you have a little human growing to gauge it against

[niconasr]

Congratulations man - good to have some company in the new fathers club

Some friendly advice - everyone will try to give you advice on how to raise your kid - your parents, friends, in-laws, relatives, colleagues - just smile, nod and then tune them out.

You and your wife will figure out what's best for your kid.

That's probably the best advice to be given! I always enjoy discussing matters with my family and friends and gather some information but in the end, it's up to you and your wife to make the decisions.

Congrats EB, you've survived one week by now! After the first week with my first born, I was having the baby blues. Didn't want to get up, felt like everything I did was wrong, felt like I was letting my wife and kid down. And yet, got through it and couldn't have happier kids now. Hope everything is going well for you!

[SeaDawg]

I haven't read everything in this thread, but lots of great advice here.

I have two kids from two different marriages. My eldest (a girl) is off to college in a few weeks, and the other (a boy) is 9.

In my first marriage, my wife died when our daughter was a year old. I was completely alone when my wife died, with no extended family around, and I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know how to cook meals or care for a baby, but I figured it out. I made LOTS of mistakes, but despite those mistakes my daughter turned out to be an amazing young woman. It is cliche, but time really does fly by, so don't take anything for granted.

The other thing I will say is this: It will be hard. Very hard. You will **** up, a lot. At times, you will hurt the ones you love. However, if you try your best, shower your kids and wife with love and affection, and spend as much time with them as you can, they will love you back and forgive you, despite your flaws.

[hockeyrobot]

I haven't read everything in this thread, but lots of great advice here.

I have two kids from two different marriages. My eldest (a girl) is off to college in a few weeks, and the other (a boy) is 9.

In my first marriage, my wife died when our daughter was a year old. I was completely alone when my wife died, with no extended family around, and I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know how to cook meals or care for a baby, but I figured it out. I made LOTS of mistakes, but despite those mistakes my daughter turned out to be an amazing young woman. It is cliche, but time really does fly by, so don't take anything for granted.

The other thing I will say is this: It will be hard. Very hard. You will **** up, a lot. At times, you will hurt the ones you love. However, if you try your best, shower your kids and wife with love and affection, and spend as much time with them as you can, they will love you back and forgive you, despite your flaws.

Wow I can't even imagine going through that. Thanks for sharing. You must be pretty proud of her, but also don't forget to be proud of yourself for accomplishing that.

[niconasr]

I haven't read everything in this thread, but lots of great advice here.

I have two kids from two different marriages. My eldest (a girl) is off to college in a few weeks, and the other (a boy) is 9.

In my first marriage, my wife died when our daughter was a year old. I was completely alone when my wife died, with no extended family around, and I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know how to cook meals or care for a baby, but I figured it out. I made LOTS of mistakes, but despite those mistakes my daughter turned out to be an amazing young woman. It is cliche, but time really does fly by, so don't take anything for granted.

The other thing I will say is this: It will be hard. Very hard. You will **** up, a lot. At times, you will hurt the ones you love. However, if you try your best, shower your kids and wife with love and affection, and spend as much time with them as you can, they will love you back and forgive you, despite your flaws.

Much respect to you, sir! Can't imagine having gone through that. My wife is my rock and even if we've both talked about how to manage life with our kids if either of us passes, I try not to think of it too much.

You must feel a lot of pride for what you've accomplished and deservedly so. Good luck to you going forward!

[Feenom]

I haven't read everything in this thread, but lots of great advice here.

I have two kids from two different marriages. My eldest (a girl) is off to college in a few weeks, and the other (a boy) is 9.

In my first marriage, my wife died when our daughter was a year old. I was completely alone when my wife died, with no extended family around, and I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know how to cook meals or care for a baby, but I figured it out. I made LOTS of mistakes, but despite those mistakes my daughter turned out to be an amazing young woman. It is cliche, but time really does fly by, so don't take anything for granted.

The other thing I will say is this: It will be hard. Very hard. You will **** up, a lot. At times, you will hurt the ones you love. However, if you try your best, shower your kids and wife with love and affection, and spend as much time with them as you can, they will love you back and forgive you, despite your flaws.

An example of a great parent right here. If anybody can give advice on this thread it is you. Listen and learn folks. Much respect.

[hockeyrobot]

Anyone have a dog lash out after newborn comes in? Just this past week we've been waking up to pee and poop in the house. She nevvvvveeeer used to do this.

[Trubittisky]

Just took our newborn home last week. Not having that issue with our two dogs. One likes to be left alone, and the other hangs out in the same room as us when we're doing baby stuff.

My wife did have similar behavior with her childhood dog. Her dog would stay home all day while they were at school / work and be fine, but if they went out again in the evening the dog would take a revenge pee on her mother's chair (her mom was the dogs favorite, so she thinks the dog was the most mad at her).

I know you're sleep deprived and zombieing around (I know I am), but it might be good to take the dog out for a little walk or play with them when you get up to feed the baby. Make them associate the baby with good times and give em a little more attention. Maybe also give them high value treats when they're around the baby

[hockeyrobot]

Just took our newborn home last week. Not having that issue with our two dogs. One likes to be left alone, and the other hangs out in the same room as us when we're doing baby stuff.

My wife did have similar behavior with her childhood dog. Her dog would stay home all day while they were at school / work and be fine, but if they went out again in the evening the dog would take a revenge pee on her mother's chair (her mom was the dogs favorite, so she thinks the dog was the most mad at her).

I know you're sleep deprived and zombieing around (I know I am), but it might be good to take the dog out for a little walk or play with them when you get up to feed the baby. Make them associate the baby with good times and give em a little more attention. Maybe also give them high value treats when they're around the baby

First off congrats!!

Thanks for the advise I will definitely try that. She's an english bulldog so more walks might make her take more revenge

[senryu]

I haven't read everything in this thread, but lots of great advice here.

I have two kids from two different marriages. My eldest (a girl) is off to college in a few weeks, and the other (a boy) is 9.

In my first marriage, my wife died when our daughter was a year old. I was completely alone when my wife died, with no extended family around, and I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know how to cook meals or care for a baby, but I figured it out. I made LOTS of mistakes, but despite those mistakes my daughter turned out to be an amazing young woman. It is cliche, but time really does fly by, so don't take anything for granted.

The other thing I will say is this: It will be hard. Very hard. You will **** up, a lot. At times, you will hurt the ones you love. However, if you try your best, shower your kids and wife with love and affection, and spend as much time with them as you can, they will love you back and forgive you, despite your flaws.

Because I can't give REP, I'll say it here: mountains of respect for what you've had to do and what you're saying here. It is 100% correct.

[VintageVibe]

I haven't read everything in this thread, but lots of great advice here.

I have two kids from two different marriages. My eldest (a girl) is off to college in a few weeks, and the other (a boy) is 9.

In my first marriage, my wife died when our daughter was a year old. I was completely alone when my wife died, with no extended family around, and I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know how to cook meals or care for a baby, but I figured it out. I made LOTS of mistakes, but despite those mistakes my daughter turned out to be an amazing young woman. It is cliche, but time really does fly by, so don't take anything for granted.

The other thing I will say is this: It will be hard. Very hard. You will **** up, a lot. At times, you will hurt the ones you love. However, if you try your best, shower your kids and wife with love and affection, and spend as much time with them as you can, they will love you back and forgive you, despite your flaws.

Incredible story and advice, SeaDawg. Thank you for sharing and all the very best to you and your loved ones!

[Eskimo Brother]

I wanted to circle back to this thread and pay it forward a bit, as I don't know that there have been a lot of comments towards some of the challenges we faced.


Baby E was born at the end of July, so she's now just over three months old, happy, healthy, and smiles a lot more for me than for mom (definitely not causing any jealousy...). Anyways, wife's pregnancy was pretty average as far as I can tell, which we were lucky with. [FYI #1] Near the end though, my wife got asked about the "Arrive" trial, and whether she wanted to get induced at 39 weeks. Apparently that's a thing now, and can lead to lower numbers of many different types of complications. We decided to see if it would happen naturally, and right on the due date my wife started to go into labour. We went to the hospital, had it helped along a little, and the baby was born at 3am the next day. Now, having a baby born at 3am means you haven't slept for a full day, and then you basically don't sleep for that next day that you get to stay at the hospital, so when you get sent home you're working on 48 hours with almost no sleep, and starting from scratch on everything.


Personally, with the stress, the lack of sleep, and everything, my body almost started to shut down. I almost couldn't eat, and did vomit a few times, and had a really tough time with the adjustment that first week. [TIP#1] Having family (or friends) come by just to bring food that I could pick at was key. I also found I could eat hard boiled eggs no problem, and ate a ton of those the first few weeks. I think my body just got overwhelmed with the lack of sleep and then I got nauseous as a result, leading to the lack of eating, which spiralled it from there. Once we got into a rhythm after the first two weeks or so, it settled down.


Now, it wasn't just me feeling it, my wife had a terrible time with the postpartum blues (which lasted probably two months) and the baby was a little jaundiced. The jaundice wasn't at levels that anyone was medically worried, but it did make her very sleepy, and as a result she had a tough time latching. She had a beautiful latch when she did, but feeding in general was just difficult to coax her into being interested in. Even past 3mo she's still a super picky eater, and has to be held/lying down in just the right way. Sometimes I have to start the feed on the couch, give her 20 minutes of play, and then she'll finish eating lying on a blanket on our bed.


My wife, being a family doctor, had a ton of worries every single day, and there was a ton of stress created that way. The more you know to look for, the worse it is. [Tip #2] Do a baby first aid refresher before the baby comes, but don't google every single possible symptom and try to diagnose them with everything. A lot of things (red spots, weird breathing, yellow tinge to the eyes, etc) they grow out of in the first month or two. Dry skin you do want to keep on top of.


All that to say, my wife also knew exactly how much the baby should be eating every day (apparently 160ml x the wight in kgs), and if the baby wasn't on track to have eaten enough, we kept offering her food until she would eat and was on track. That meant trying to get her on the breast, trying to give her expressed colostrum with a syringe, trying to feed her formula, etc. Fast-forward a couple weeks, and we're triple feeding, which means putting the baby on the breast for as much as she will eat, then pumping and then feeding the baby the pumped milk, and finally topping up with formula because my wife's supply was a little short for the first month. [Tip #3] Don't get yourself into triple feeding for a long period if you can help it. It's awful. It takes a ton of time, energy, cleaning, etc. Between a combo of the wife feeling the need to try to breastfeed, maximizing breast milk intake (and keeping supply up), while also wanting to ensure the baby hit the minimum intake numbers, it was something we kept up with for a while.
Also don't let your wife buy a scale. Baby weights fluctuate a ton. Measuring them at just the wrong time with an inacutrate scale leads to a lot of undue worry too.


Baby now gets fed purely breast milk though, and I feed while my wife pumps. Bottle feeding is a lot easier if you have a pillow to lie the baby on, mimicking the setup for breastfeeding. Works well for you and the baby. Also it really seemed to help with the gas, as our little one would wake up every couple hours in the night just writhing around with a ton of gas bottled up inside her, and needing her legs bicycled to let it out. Nowadays that happens maybe once every two weeks. Gas can be very tough though, and from reading into it it sounds like there's a lot of different things that can contribute or help to relieve it. Don't be afraid to try different things.

[Cutting my post in half because it's apparently too long]

[Eskimo Brother]

Other random tips:
-Aside from the obvious, bring good shoes, a pillow, and multiple changes of clothes with you to the hospital.
-Sign up for all the free samples/registries/baby lists, etc. You can get a ton of discounts and free stuff for newborns. We survived the first couple weeks solely on free samples of wipes/diapers/pacifiers, etc.
-Routines are key.
-On the topic of routines, I had no idea baby awake windows were really just an hour long. After that, they get over-tired, and it's exponentially more difficult to put them to sleep. Watch for the sleep cues: looking away, red eyebrows, yawns & rubbing their eyes. If it's past an hour and they're crying a lot, you're going to need a lot of snuggling to calm them down to sleep. Within the hour, if you can change and then feed them right when they wake up, then you can separate out the feeding and putting them back to bed, so that they don't need to have a bottle/breast in their mouth to fall asleep. Typically it sounds like you want to try and aim for 30 mins of change/feed, then 30-60mins of play, then the next nap (overnight you just put them back down though). It never happens exactly like that, but having a rough framework to work from really helps keep you set up on what makes sense to be doing next (and what the baby probably wants next).
-If you read one advice book, make it the Wonder Weeks book. I read a bunch of different books on eating, sleeping, feeding, logic, care, etc, and this was the only one that I actually found myself returning to. Our kid had leaps within a couple of days of their calendar, and it was great to know what they were going through, what we might expect, and to realize that if things weren't working, just do what you need to to get through those few days, and the baby settles back down to their baseline in just a few days.
-Start using diaper cream even before you need to, and just make it a regular part of every (or every second) diaper change.
-My wife bought the "Taking Cara Babies" course for us to watch, and I was skeptical, but it did really help with the sleep foundation. The gist of the important bits were:
a) For getting the baby to sleep: swaddle/cradle/hold, reduce the stimulation - ideally in a dark room (have them look at a blank wall, not your face or whatever), rock them rhythmically, hum/sing/turn on a noise machine, use a pacifier/soother/finger for them to suck on. Having that base really helps the baby calm down, and get ready to put themselves to sleep too (takes practice though). Before 2.5 months they will not really be able to put themselves to sleep, but after 2.5mo they start to self regulate a little better, and more often you can put them down in the crib with a pacifier and they'll put themselves to sleep.
b) Getting the baby to fall asleep on their own/stay asleep without the "cry it out" method is a process. Biggest thing though was that you don't pick up the baby with every noise. If their eyes are still closed, just leave them, and they'll be back to sleeping silently in 20 seconds. Other minimally disruptive ways to try and soothe them to sleep/back to sleep involve putting a hand on their chest (I was skeptical but it makes a difference for ours), increasing the noise on a sound machine, soother, light rocking, etc. The more often you pick them up, the more they're going to rely on it. But really, sometimes it's just necessary.

-Buy a microwave steam sterilizer. You don't want to have to be boiling water every day to sterilize things (pumps, bottles, pacifiers, etc).
-An electronic nail file was something I thought was completely unnecessary and that my wife had cracked a bit for even considering buying it. That was before the baby was born, and now I know better. Definitely worth having one, and use it while they're asleep during one of the overnight feeds. Babies are squirmy!
-We used the Nara Baby app to track feeds, diapers, weight, etc through the first few months. Still tracking feedings now, but the rest has fallen off as its superfluous after the first few weeks. Having it calculated for you how long ago the last feed was, and seeing trends laid out, etc, it's SUPER handy. We had my brother in law test out all the apps he could find, and after a few hours he said it was a no brainer that this was the best. I haven't tried any others, but this one is great.
-Having a ton of face cloths is useful, and not something I thought we would go through super quickly.
-For baby to be comfy, they should have on one more layer than your wife for sleep, or two more than you.
-Our baby needed a burp every 30-50mls she drank, unless she fell asleep - then she would down 130mls in one sitting and just burp once at the end. It really differs, but I did find that sitting them up and doing a bit of a rocking sit up motion was great for burps on top of just the back patting.
-Wash your baby frequently enough that they don't get dry skin. It will spread if you leave it too long. Their hands may stink all the time, but that's just unavoidable with how often they stick them in their mouth and leave them clenched with sweat.
-My wife bought these things called "silverettes", and they were huge in avoiding cracking/soreness/etc after feeding. Definitely worth looking into.

Any questions or follow up clarifications that anyone would like to ask about anything we went to and how we managed it, I'm happy to answer here or in a PM.

If I think of anything else later, I'll add it in.