Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 26

Thread: Coping with putting down a pet

  1. #1
    jcairns's Avatar
    jcairns is offline
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2,920
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Rep Power
    44

    Dobber Sports Veteran

    Default Coping with putting down a pet

    Well, I had to put down my beloved cat (10 years of age) yesterday. She suddenly started having seizures and was diagnosed with a metastasized brain tumor that had started to spread to her lungs.

    I have to say, I knew the process would be incredibly hard, but I underestimated how terrible it would be. I took it harder than when my grandfather passed away (though, granted, I was only 16 or so then). I was a wreck in the days leading up to it, and obviously a mess when it happened and afterward.

    The day after, I am now feeling incredibly conflicted, and I'm wondering if any of you have also gone through this.

    Mainly, I feel:
    - Immense Guilt. Even though I know it was the right decision, I can't emphasize enough how horrible it feels to be actually making that decision. Choosing when another person's/animal's life ends is a horrible, horrible feeling, and I feel nauseous thinking about it. I know this is normal, and I know I shouldn't feel guilt because it was to save our cat from suffering, but I can't help it. There's always the questions floating in my head: what if she wasn't ready? What if she was still OK to carry on for a while longer? What if this wasn't what she wanted? What if we waited?
    - Disappointment. Very similar to guilt, I feel like I "let her down". She gave us her unconditional love for years and was the best cat I could have ever asked for - and it feels like letting her die was letting her down. Similarly, I can't even begin to explain how horrible it was to see her laying on the table after the euthanization and her eyes empty - just nothing there. And to then leave her in the room after saying my goodbye makes me go teary-eyed. Again, just this immense feeling of letting her down.

    Anyhow. Needed to get that off my chest. And maybe some of you went through this experience and might want to reflect on it.

    Life can be pretty hard some times.

  2. #2
    GinFizz's Avatar
    GinFizz is offline
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    1,706
    Rep Power
    35

    Dobber Sports Stud

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    This is what i wrote in May.
    http://forums.dobbersports.com/showt...ght=rip+murphy

    hang in there it does get better every day.. What was your cats name?

    WHL - World Hockey League (24 Team - Daily H2H)

    Maine Moose 2021-2022

    2019 WHL GM of the Year #Supersoft

  3. #3
    Rep Power
    22

    Dobber Sports Apprentice

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    You did show her unconditional love man - you loved her so much that despite the hurt it would cause you, you let her go and ended her pain. I had my mom's old cat that I inherited when she passed 6 years ago, and this summer, he had a seizure and died in our living room, with my son and me petting him and telling him we loved him and that he could let go. It hurts. Still does. But like GinFizz said, it gets easier every day. Now, I can look back at the happy memories we made with him and smile. Still miss him, but the pain is a lot less.


    14 Team H2H Cap
    G A DPTS FOW SOG STP H+B | W SV SV% GAA

    C: Scheifele, Stamkos (rw), Tavares
    LW: Gaudreau, Giroux (c/rw), Labanc(rw)
    RW: Atkinson, Thompson (c), Keller (lw), Glendening (c)
    D: Klingberg, Gostisbehere, Dumba, Krug (50%), Trouba, McNabb, Gudas
    G: Holtby, Fleury, Markstrom


    FARM NOTABLES:
    F: Bokk, A Thomas, Kaprizov, Dorofeyev, Mikheyev
    D: Dalhin, Beaudin, Dunn, Kylington, Harley
    G: Hart, Demko

  4. #4
    Pit Bulls's Avatar
    Pit Bulls is offline
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    1,690
    Location
    Ontario
    Rep Power
    46

    Dobber Sports Stud

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Sorry for your loss jcairns - my condolences.

    I had to make the same decision a year and half ago with my beloved dog. I felt the same feelings you do now and I have to say it will get easier - but it takes time, probably more time than you might think. Focus on the fact you did what was best for your pet - and she didn't suffer unnecessarily.

    I often thought what would I want if the same happened to me - and I always come to the same conclusion - I would want someone who loves me very much to help my on my journey and save me from going through a horrible and painful death.

    Although it probably brings tears to your eyes when you think of her, eventually you will always remember the happy days and cherish the love she brought to you and your family.
    WHL - 24tm multicast salary partial keeper
    19 Active / 6 Reserve / 15 Minors
    3C/3LW/3RW/3F/6D/1G
    Skaters: G/ A/ +/- /PIM/SOG/PPP/Hit/Blk/FOW-C
    Goalies: GS/W/OL/GAA/SV%/SV/SHO/ShL/A

  5. #5
    Rep Power
    40

    Dobber Sports Supreme Grand Master

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    As mentioned above... it does get easier.

    One thing I have found that helps is to have a little memorial service for her. Especially if you have kids or others that have to cope with it. Talk about it out loud with someone and share the great memories. There are reasons why we have funerals for humans that pass on.... a ceremony to celebrate ones life is a huge honour to their life. It helps us for those who have been left behind. It is awesome that you are coming to the community and willing to discuss it, that is way better than keeping it inside and trying to battle internally about it.

    And if you have children that are struggling with it 'All Dog's Go to Heaven' is a movie that may help with it. I know it is about Dog's and not cats... but you could easily explain it is the same for Cats.

    I praise you for making the difficult decision and it was the right one and the right time... you made the decision in love and respected your cat and therefore I strongly believe it was the right decision.

  6. #6
    Location
    Vancouver Island
    Rep Power
    40

    Dobber Sports Jedi

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    The thing is pets can't fully or directly communicate how much discomfort or pain they are actually in. That's the other side of it. Because we don't know, we wonder if it's too soon? could we have done more? could our pet have lived longer? We can only observe, evaluate and decide. Normally when we see significant changes in behaviour it's because there's been an even larger change in baseline health.

    My first dog, I had for 18 years, put her down when I was 23. Arthritis so bad in her hips she couldn't get her hind legs under her for an hour in the morning, would slide her but down the steps. Lost control of her bladder, would pee in her sleep. We kept her alive for almost a year on meds, monitoring her. When her sight noticeably went... we made the trip to the vet.

    I still remember her staring at me when they put her down.. I keep telling myself she was letting me know it was okay...

    Pets man... they really are family.
    Follow me on twitter: @doylelb4

  7. #7
    Location
    Pegulaville
    Rep Power
    40

    Moderator

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    As others have said, pets are family. Their unconditional love is so unique and not to be taken advantage of. Despite how you may feel, jcairns, you did right by your by your cat. And, I suspect not just in her final moments but also throughout her life. You cared, that's what matters and that's what any pet could hope for. Grieve for your loss. It's ok. But know you did the right thing. Hang in there.
    @SmittysRant

  8. #8
    Location
    Canada
    Rep Power
    50

    Dobber Sports Juggernaut

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Quote Originally Posted by GinFizz View Post
    This is what i wrote in May.
    http://forums.dobbersports.com/showt...ght=rip+murphy

    hang in there it does get better every day.. What was your cats name?

    My friend GinFizz speaks the truth.

    here is what I wrote in HIS thread linked above.
    As hard as it was, and while we were surrounded with family and loved ones, at that particular moment it was just me and her. That was powerful for me and in some strange way...comforting.

    But identify with the lonely return to home and instinct to reach down with my last bite of breakfast and find nothing.

    I know it's more a matter of when and not if, but I do expect to take this journey with new pet again. Not a replacement experience, but another opportunity that share with another life what I learned over the 14+ years with my ole girl.

    Anyway. Just wanted to pass along my condolences. I can only hope it continues to get better for you as I hope for myself.


    I can honestly say that I identified with every feeling you're feeling right now. our pets can speak to us and tell us "IT'S OK". All they can do Is show us. And my girl showed me that it was and while it was the hardest day of my life... and I still think about her every day ... I know it was the right decision for her. And I find peace in that. Totally ok and good to grieve. Take your time. Everyone deals with the Grief differently and that's totally ok to me.

    It's been 6 months since I lost my pup... and while I know I will never forget her, I also know that my life and my family's life is not fully complete without a "furbaby". After volunteering at our local Humane Society for the past 3 months, I found that my heart was able to open up again to another pet. We pick her up tomorrow and start our new pet adventure! NEW...not replaced.!

    It DOES get better like Ginfizz says. Not saying everyone will go down the pet road again, but I'm living proof that the heart break does eventually end and peace does eventually come once I was able to understand that the decision I made for my Girl was a decision she likely would have made for herself had she not had me doing everything in my power to extend her life.

    My words are just words. Maybe you can find some peace through my experience, or Fizz's or any of your other Dobber pals on here. But it's ultimately you that will find that peace. Give yourself time my friend. Think about the 10 years you had, and less about that one really shitty day.

  9. #9
    Location
    Ottawa
    Rep Power
    50

    The Great One

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    My deepest condolences on the loss of your family member. I've been through this too, most recently last April. It's brutal. (Although the thought of life with interacting with cats is far more brutal!)

    For whatever it's worth, I have no doubt that your decision was made with full compassion. There is no perfect time to make this decision. And remember that holding on too long, and allowing unnecessary suffering, was not in the best interest of your loved one (IMO).

    The suggestion above about holding a service is an excellent one (whether you have kids or not!) Talk about what this cat brought to your life. Remember the positive memories and funny stories - we all have them. Celebrate the life. (And if that's too "weird" for you, you could also privately write about it). Acknowledge your experience. Even writing in this forum is a very healthy thing to do, IMO.

    My only other advice is to take some time to heal before considering adding a new (cat) member to your family.

  10. #10
    Rep Power
    50

    Dobber Sports Monster

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Am sorry to hear about the loss of your family member. The thought of having to put an animal down has crossed my mind since I have a poodle/terrier who is almost 15 years old. Don't feel bad about the decision you've made. It's a tough choice, but one that had to be made. By the sounds of it you were a very loving owner.

  11. #11
    jcairns's Avatar
    jcairns is offline
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2,920
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Rep Power
    44

    Dobber Sports Veteran

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Thanks for all the kind words everyone, and for sharing your own personal experiences. It means a lot - and simply having a place to share my feelings helps a lot with the coping process.

    The one thing that I think is going to be really hard to shake and move on from are those last moments. I'm struggling to cope with that last moment after she passed away where she was still and motionless, and looking into her eyes there was nothing there. That thought really kills me. I know it was the right decision, and I can come to terms with that - but that last moment was heart wrenching. It's such a foreign - and empty - feeling, where you try to comprehend how something that was living and gave you so much love is all the sudden "gone", as if they vanished. They almost seem like a ghost. You can look into their eyes as they lay there in front of you motionless, and you can tell nothing is there. Like a statue. And then you have to turn your back on them and walk away, knowing they are laying on that table alone.

    I don't think anything I could have read or done would have prepared me for that moment. That really was the most devastating experience and I couldn't have imagined it. I'm sure those of you that went through it can all relate. It's so hard seeing that moment when life leaves your best friend. I don't even know how to describe it.

    We all wish they could just go in their sleep on their own terms, but unfortunately for us, that rarely is the case.

  12. #12
    Location
    BetweenLeiasBuns
    Rep Power
    50

    Dobber Sports Genius

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    You did the right thing and it sounds like you were a great owner - she was lucky to have you. Not an easy decision but we have to the take the high road and make these tough decisions for them. From what I know of that procedure is that it is painless and like you saw, quick.
    My mom put down our cat of ~11 years when I was 30, and I balled like a child. My in-laws put down their golden ret. two years ago and again, water works.
    I think it was better to do it early and not make her suffer. I find it sad when the animal knows they are going for their 'last ride' - instinctively, they know what is up.
    Chin up. Find something fun to do and perhaps soon, you can get a new one. The joyous cycle will once again repeat itself...
    cheers
    COD
    Hockey Pools? Too many to mention. Points only, salary cap and dynasty.

  13. #13
    Location
    Vancouver Island
    Rep Power
    40

    Dobber Sports Jedi

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Quote Originally Posted by jcairns View Post
    Thanks for all the kind words everyone, and for sharing your own personal experiences. It means a lot - and simply having a place to share my feelings helps a lot with the coping process.

    The one thing that I think is going to be really hard to shake and move on from are those last moments. I'm struggling to cope with that last moment after she passed away where she was still and motionless, and looking into her eyes there was nothing there. That thought really kills me. I know it was the right decision, and I can come to terms with that - but that last moment was heart wrenching. It's such a foreign - and empty - feeling, where you try to comprehend how something that was living and gave you so much love is all the sudden "gone", as if they vanished. They almost seem like a ghost. You can look into their eyes as they lay there in front of you motionless, and you can tell nothing is there. Like a statue. And then you have to turn your back on them and walk away, knowing they are laying on that table alone.

    I don't think anything I could have read or done would have prepared me for that moment. That really was the most devastating experience and I couldn't have imagined it. I'm sure those of you that went through it can all relate. It's so hard seeing that moment when life leaves your best friend. I don't even know how to describe it.

    We all wish they could just go in their sleep on their own terms, but unfortunately for us, that rarely is the case.
    I mentioned this a bit in my previous post. I know exactly that moment you're talking about. My dog kept eyes locked on me as her life faded. It seems like there's nothing there, that may be true. one thing that is gone.. is that pain and discomfort. What does remain... is peace.
    Follow me on twitter: @doylelb4

  14. #14
    Rylant's Avatar
    Rylant is offline
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    3,812
    Location
    Edmonton, AB
    Rep Power
    50

    Dobber Sports Star

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Quote Originally Posted by jcairns View Post
    Well, I had to put down my beloved cat (10 years of age) yesterday. She suddenly started having seizures and was diagnosed with a metastasized brain tumor that had started to spread to her lungs.

    I have to say, I knew the process would be incredibly hard, but I underestimated how terrible it would be. I took it harder than when my grandfather passed away (though, granted, I was only 16 or so then). I was a wreck in the days leading up to it, and obviously a mess when it happened and afterward.

    The day after, I am now feeling incredibly conflicted, and I'm wondering if any of you have also gone through this.

    Mainly, I feel:
    - Immense Guilt. Even though I know it was the right decision, I can't emphasize enough how horrible it feels to be actually making that decision. Choosing when another person's/animal's life ends is a horrible, horrible feeling, and I feel nauseous thinking about it. I know this is normal, and I know I shouldn't feel guilt because it was to save our cat from suffering, but I can't help it. There's always the questions floating in my head: what if she wasn't ready? What if she was still OK to carry on for a while longer? What if this wasn't what she wanted? What if we waited?
    - Disappointment. Very similar to guilt, I feel like I "let her down". She gave us her unconditional love for years and was the best cat I could have ever asked for - and it feels like letting her die was letting her down. Similarly, I can't even begin to explain how horrible it was to see her laying on the table after the euthanization and her eyes empty - just nothing there. And to then leave her in the room after saying my goodbye makes me go teary-eyed. Again, just this immense feeling of letting her down.

    Anyhow. Needed to get that off my chest. And maybe some of you went through this experience and might want to reflect on it.

    Life can be pretty hard some times.
    My heart goes out to you, man. My 2 cats have changed my life, and I can’t imagine how devastated I would be if something happened to either of them. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing quite like a good pet owner. Hang in there.

    Rylant

  15. #15
    jcairns's Avatar
    jcairns is offline
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2,920
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Rep Power
    44

    Dobber Sports Veteran

    Default Re: Coping with putting down a pet

    Quote Originally Posted by lucafen4 View Post
    I mentioned this a bit in my previous post. I know exactly that moment you're talking about. My dog kept eyes locked on me as her life faded. It seems like there's nothing there, that may be true. one thing that is gone.. is that pain and discomfort. What does remain... is peace.
    Yeah, I read that. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    It's hard. Even though you know it's for the better, it's a terrible feeling to see hollow eyes and to walk out that door, knowing they are laying there on the table alone and cold.
    I really wish there was a better way. I guess going into it I was naive - I didn't know how the minutes after would unfold. But for some reason I just thought the post-death moments would be... better?
    In hindsight, I almost wish there was a way I could have avoided that. I know deep down I don't, as I needed to say goodbye for a minute after she went. But seeing her lay on that table motionless and with no life in her eyes is really haunting and upsetting.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •