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Thread: Help me Derek Reese, You're My Only Hope!

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    Default Help me Derek Reese, You're My Only Hope!

    Okay, so I have a pressing a question that needs answering and there is only one man for the job. I cannot possibly wait for the next Derek's Corner so I'm calling him out and asking for his help. But that thought sprung another thought. Why don't we have a Bat Signal for Derek Reese to answer our difficult questions. We can't all simply wait for his next Derek's Corner. Is this the best protocol or can we come up with a better system?

    Anyhow, here's my question:

    After watching Anchorman for probably the 1,000th time, I realized that we don't know the order of Baxter's actions. Does he poop in the refrigerator first and then eat the whole wheel of cheese, or does he do it in reverse, or simultaneously? To me it makes most sense that he'd eat the whole wheel of cheese first and then poop in the refrigerator but that's not how he tells it to Ron. I just think that the cheese must have been what caused him to have such an abrupt bowel movement and also it would be gross to eat a whole wheel of cheese out of the same fridge that I had just pooped in but I'm no dog and the dogs I know probably wouldn't mind so I dunno. But then I thought that maybe Ron had left the wheel of cheese out of the refrigerator so perhaps there was no cheese/poo contamination. I just can't figure this one out!!!

    So naturally you can understand why I need Derek's help. Help me Derek Reese, you're my only hope!
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaldude26 View Post
    Anyhow, here's my question:

    After watching Anchorman for probably the 1,000th time, I realized that we don't know the order of Baxter's actions. Does he poop in the refrigerator first and then eat the whole wheel of cheese, or does he do it in reverse, or simultaneously? To me it makes most sense that he'd eat the whole wheel of cheese first and then poop in the refrigerator but that's not how he tells it to Ron. I just think that the cheese must have been what caused him to have such an abrupt bowel movement and also it would be gross to eat a whole wheel of cheese out of the same fridge that I had just pooped in but I'm no dog and the dogs I know probably wouldn't mind so I dunno. But then I thought that maybe Ron had left the wheel of cheese out of the refrigerator so perhaps there was no cheese/poo contamination. I just can't figure this one out!!!

    So naturally you can understand why I need Derek's help. Help me Derek Reese, you're my only hope!
    Cheese is known for having the exact opposite effect on bowel movements.

    That said, nothing (short of prune juice) gets through a human digestive system that fast. One could make an argument the the internal pressure from the volumn of the cheese led to the defecation but that is, I think, unlikely.

    So yeah, both at the same time then. Eating cheese is the new reading.

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    Speaking of bowel movements. I avoided one that would have been greatly unappreciated today when I threw out three pounds of mince meat that was gray and not pink. Apparently it had a millimeter wide hole in the supposed vacuum sealed package. If I had not used my eyes and actually used that mince meat to make some pasta sauce or whatever, I would have visited the bathroom a great many times this day. Alas, I did not, and thus I stayed out of the bathroom. Praised be Ron Burgundy!
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaldude26 View Post
    Okay, so I have a pressing a question that needs answering and there is only one man for the job. I cannot possibly wait for the next Derek's Corner so I'm calling him out and asking for his help. But that thought sprung another thought. Why don't we have a Bat Signal for Derek Reese to answer our difficult questions. We can't all simply wait for his next Derek's Corner. Is this the best protocol or can we come up with a better system?

    Anyhow, here's my question:

    After watching Anchorman for probably the 1,000th time, I realized that we don't know the order of Baxter's actions. Does he poop in the refrigerator first and then eat the whole wheel of cheese, or does he do it in reverse, or simultaneously? To me it makes most sense that he'd eat the whole wheel of cheese first and then poop in the refrigerator but that's not how he tells it to Ron. I just think that the cheese must have been what caused him to have such an abrupt bowel movement and also it would be gross to eat a whole wheel of cheese out of the same fridge that I had just pooped in but I'm no dog and the dogs I know probably wouldn't mind so I dunno. But then I thought that maybe Ron had left the wheel of cheese out of the refrigerator so perhaps there was no cheese/poo contamination. I just can't figure this one out!!!

    So naturally you can understand why I need Derek's help. Help me Derek Reese, you're my only hope!
    I know you wanted Derek's advice, well **** that he's not here and I am so, my advice to you is quit watching Anchorman and go watch Animal House or Caddyshack a 1000 times and you'll forget all about bowel movements. I really recommend Caddyshack, I mean who doesn't sit around wishing they were Carl Spackler. Spackler for President! Down with the VarmintCong!

    And people said this forum went downhill during the lockout....

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    I'm 60% 100% sure that the poop occured before he ate the cheese. Simply because eating a whole wheel of cheese would cause major constipation.
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaldude26 View Post
    Okay, so I have a pressing a question that needs answering and there is only one man for the job. I cannot possibly wait for the next Derek's Corner so I'm calling him out and asking for his help. But that thought sprung another thought. Why don't we have a Bat Signal for Derek Reese to answer our difficult questions. We can't all simply wait for his next Derek's Corner. Is this the best protocol or can we come up with a better system?

    Anyhow, here's my question:

    After watching Anchorman for probably the 1,000th time, I realized that we don't know the order of Baxter's actions. Does he poop in the refrigerator first and then eat the whole wheel of cheese, or does he do it in reverse, or simultaneously? To me it makes most sense that he'd eat the whole wheel of cheese first and then poop in the refrigerator but that's not how he tells it to Ron. I just think that the cheese must have been what caused him to have such an abrupt bowel movement and also it would be gross to eat a whole wheel of cheese out of the same fridge that I had just pooped in but I'm no dog and the dogs I know probably wouldn't mind so I dunno. But then I thought that maybe Ron had left the wheel of cheese out of the refrigerator so perhaps there was no cheese/poo contamination. I just can't figure this one out!!!

    So naturally you can understand why I need Derek's help. Help me Derek Reese, you're my only hope!
    Thanks Metaldude26! Always great to hear from my fans. Can I call you Peter? So Peter to answer your question the two events in question didnt actually happen at the same time, they were a week apart. Baxter was giving Ron a recap of his week and when Baxter told Ron that he ate the cheese wheel he told Ron that he did it a week before but was telling Ron in Spanish and we all know Ron cant speak Spanish. When Baxter told Ron that he took a crap in the fridge that was just a few minutes prior and actually wanted Ron to wipe his ass but they cut that part out of the movie. That was the best part of the movie IMHO. Damn Network Execs.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DerekReese View Post
    Thanks Metaldude26! Always great to hear from my fans. Can I call you Peter? So Peter to answer your question the two events in question didnt actually happen at the same time, they were a week apart. Baxter was giving Ron a recap of his week and when Baxter told Ron that he ate the cheese wheel he told Ron that he did it a week before but was telling Ron in Spanish and we all know Ron cant speak Spanish. When Baxter told Ron that he took a crap in the fridge that was just a few minutes prior and actually wanted Ron to wipe his ass but they cut that part out of the movie. That was the best part of the movie IMHO. Damn Network Execs.
    How did that not even make the deleted scenes!?!?!?!?!?! Fuuuuuuuuuuuucckkkkkkk!!!!!
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    Excellent Monday morning thread.
    That is all. (...it's the pleats... it's an optical illusion...)

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    Quote Originally Posted by metaldude26 View Post
    How did that not even make the deleted scenes!?!?!?!?!?! Fuuuuuuuuuuuucckkkkkkk!!!!!
    Don't get yourself stuck in a glass case of emotion over this!
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